It's Only a Year, Right?
by JarOfPickles
Summary: It's perfect. After escaping Ohio, you managed to escape the US and made it to Amsterdam. You thought it would be a cool experience studying abroad. Nothing more than making some friends and enjoying the coolest city in Europe. Nothing major would happen, I mean it's only a year, right? Then there was Brittany.
1. Arrival

**A/N:** the first few chapters might be a bit boring because the story needs a build up, I apologize in advance. Also I'm kinda drunk right now so any mistakes are totally my fault. Now enjoy Brittana exploring the coolest city in the world and each other.

* * *

You're here.

You made it. You're in Amsterdam. You saved for months, working two shitty jobs tutoring and waiting tables. All with this in mind and you made it. You fucking made it.

That's what you keep repeating in you head while you're walking into your new room. You're in Amsterdam, in the international students dorm looking at bare, white walls in an empty room and yet you've never liked a room much.

Ever since you heard you got your scholarship to go to the University of Amsterdam, it's all you've been thinking about. Leaving your friends at NYU and your apartment was a bit hard, but you were too excited to go to Amsterdam to really think about that and besides, you'll be back in a year so it's not like you're gone forever.

Your mother was proud of you 'choosing your own path' and your dad just said he was going to miss you.

You're in your room putting your clothes away when there's a knock on the door and someone comes walking in. You think it might be the ginger haired woman who showed you your room, coming to get you for the tour but when you spin around your jaw drops. The most gorgeous blonde girl you have ever seen walks up to you with her arm stretched out.

"Hi, I'm Brittany. I live across the hall." She says as you shake her hand.

"Santana," you manage to croak out.

"So you just arrived huh? What do you think so far?" Her blue eyes are too damn distracting to think of full sentences and her smile is so bright, it's like staring into sunlight.

"I, uh, well it beats my old dorm room at NYU for sure." When you mention New York her eyes light up and she starts talking about how she went there once with her old high school's glee club and decided that she wanted to go to school there after only one visit. About how she's from Arizona, she goes to Julliard and her mom is Dutch and that's why she's here now, because she wanted to check out her roots. Normally you'd get annoyed if someone would get sidetracked that easily but you're too focused on those damn blue eyes and pale lips to even care at all.

"Sorry, I get distracted easily. Where are you from?" She notices your staring.

Before you can answer her there's another knock on your door. "Brittany, are you here?"

It's a girl's voice and Brittany's eyes widen in shock when she looks at you. "Let me hide in your bathroom, don't tell her I'm here. Please cover for me!"

You open the door and do as she said.

"Hello there, I couldn't help but notice that you just arrived. My name is Rachel Barbra Berry and I got here exactly three days ago. Have you seen a tall, blonde girl that goes by the name of Brittany?"

You shake your head.

"How peculiar, I swear I heard her voice coming from here and my hearing is exquisite." She looks deep in though but starts talking again about her living in New York and something about Barbra Streisand and that's when you decide to shut the door in her face. Brittany comes out of the bathroom laughing while Rachel lets out an annoyed "Hmpf"

Brittany has the cutest fucking giggle, "That was awesome. Thanks for letting me hide, she's a bit too much. For the last two days we were the only ones on this floor so she kept stalking me with Barbra Streisand and Broadway facts, she kept talking about singing duets and I needed a breather."

Again, you're cut off before you can respond. This time it's not annoying Barbra, it really is the ginger haired woman from earlier. "Hi Santana, I hope you remember me. I'm Emma Pillsbury, the international student counselor and I'm going to show you and a few other students around." she says nervously, "oh, hi there Brittany, Rachel is looking for you. Didn't she just come from this room?"

"I know and she did." Brittany responds casually. Emma eyes the two of you like you're insane then shrugs and says: "Right. Well, you can come with me too."

* * *

She shows you, Brittany, RuPaul, some lanky Asian kid Brittany seems to know, a blonde guy with a _huge_ mouth, two Asians who are talking to themselves in a language no one seems to understand and a nerdy British kid with glasses who seems to have trouble walking since he's in a wheelchair, the building and the city centre. You have been judging everyone since the beginning of this tour. By now, three hours later, you're convinced that they're all total losers, except for Brittany and her Asian friend (Mike?), and should be avoided at all costs. Emma seems to disagree.

"Okay, ehm, well, you will all have dinner together now at this nice and cozy little restaurant while I'm going to get the local students who will guide you around for the rest of the evening." You groan because this was _not_ how you wanted your night to go. The original plan involved skyping with Quinn and Puck and then maybe finding a bar somewhere close or just exploring the neighborhood, not getting stuck with some gang of misfits who are too awkward to even say their own names.

"So weirdos, who knows what the legal drinking age is in Holland? If you get it right, I might buy you a shot." you start off after everyone ordered, if you're stuck here, might as well make it interesting.

"Santana, as much as I appreciate your dedication to group bonding, I don't think we're supposed to start drinking this early. I mean, we haven't even had dinner yet and Emma told us we still have plans for this evening." That annoying girl Rachel tries to spoil your fun already.

"Okay, so Barbra over there is out. Anyone else?"

"18!" Fish lips says way too enthusiastic. Brittany shakes her head laughing, "it's 16, but they just passed a law to raise it to 18 at the start of next year." Everyone looks at her with raised eyebrows, you just smirk and order two shots. After that it's on. You do this crazy quiz to see how much everyone knows about the Netherlands and Amsterdam, even the dwarf joins in. Eventually everyone kicks Brittany out of the game and she becomes quizmaster, just because she knows too much and she's responsible for everyone else downing too many shots.

By the time the local students show up to show them around, everyone is quite tipsy, Trouty Mouth is straight up drunk already and the two weird Asians have disappeared. The locals introduce themselves and one very gay kid with too much gel in his hair named Blaine starts off the night by saying: "So, I'm from the States myself and I guarantee you that you guys are missing out on the Dutch nightlife. You guys ready to experience a crazy night?" And after some overenthusiastic howling you follow him outside and into the night.

* * *

He takes your group to a not too crowded bar somewhere in the city centre and after a while you find yourself way more drunk than you thought. You like the Asian kid, Brittany cracks you up and Trouty Mouth is not too bad either, even though he's a bit dumb. The English kid - Artie's his name- is just a really annoying geek who tries to be ghetto, Blaine is alright but you can't stop staring at his weird triangle shaped eyebrows, but _god_, Rachel _fucking_ Berry is so excruciatingly annoying you don't know how long you can go on without punching her in the schnoz. So you try your hardest to avoid her, but she's everywhere with her loud voice and obnoxious stories. After another shot the hobbit almost coughs back up you can't stand it anymore and walk outside to smoke a cigarette.

Mumbling to yourself in Spanish you try to find your lighter but it apparently decided to play a game of hide and seek with you. "_Dios mio"_ You are so _not_ in the mood for this.

"Here, use mine." Says a voice from next to you. You turn and see Brittany standing there smiling while she holds up her lighter.

"Thanks" You say after she's lit your cigarette. "I didn't peg you as a smoker." you tell her.

"I could say the same to you." You hear the smile in her voice.

"Yeah, well I couldn't deal with fucking Barbra anymore so I had to get away for a bit."

She chuckles, "I see. She's a handful, but she's not all that bad. You just have to get used to her and not spend a lot of time with her."

This surprises you, because earlier that day Brittany said she'd only been in Amsterdam 2 days. You ask her about this and her response horrifies you.

"We did a show together once, when NYADA collaborated with Julliard."

"I am _so_ sorry for you." Is your automatic response which causes her to burst out laughing. The two of you stand there laughing when Blaine and one of the local students come stumbling out of the bar.

"Oh hey guys.. girls. We're uh, what were we doing? Oh yeah, going home. Enjoooooy!" A very drunk Blaine says as he kisses them both on the cheek sloppily. "Byeeeeee!" And he and his friend are off, drunkenly singing and giggling to themselves. When you see them you notice that you're slumped against the wall and probably look as bad as they do. "Shit, I'm really drunk." You exhale and this causes her to start giggling again. "Me too. Let's go get the others because I think Rachel is close to puking or passing out."

* * *

Once you're inside again you run into a very drunk Rachel Berry, who is on top of the bar singing like there's no tomorrow. "Thank _God_, you guys came back. She won't come down and I just really want to go home and pretend this didn't happen." A panicked Mike says as he clings to Brittany's arm. Before either of the girls can reply, Sam saves the day. You can't help but stare at his lips as he says: "don't worry, I've got this." and lifts Rachel over his shoulder and just walks outside with her jacket in his other hand. By the time you, Brittany, Mike and Artie have retrieved all of your stuff and make it outside, Sam's already hailed a cab and Rachel is passed out in the backseat. You pay the protesting driver extra so he'll take all six of you instead of the legal amount of four and you end up squished together in the backseat on Brittany's lap with her arms wrapped around you and her hands on your thighs. When you give her a questioning look, she responds with a drunken grin and you can't help but think that, damn, this girl is something. Before you can tell her this, Rachel wakes up for a second and mumbles something like: "asians?"

Everyone just stares at her before Sam gets what she's trying to say and drunkenly exclaims: "Yeah, where are those Asians? Did we just leave them in the bar?"

"Maybe Chang over there knows?" You suggest in your drunken state.

"What? Why would I know?" He sounds offended.

"Because they kept trying to be chummy with you over dinner and it's all kind of blurry after that. Also, you all look alike."

"What the hell? I'm American, they hardly even speak English."

"Yeah well, can't you find out? Speak some Chinese with them?" you slur

"Dude, I'm like fifth generation Taiwanese, not Chinese. I only speak English." Mike drunkenly counters

"Whatever, you're all the same to me."

Berry chooses that moment to fully wake up and get involved, "Santana, that's _soooooo_ racist. You can't just say that."

"I'm Hispanic, I can't be racist." That leaves Rachel staring at you wide-eyed mumbling something like "that doesn't even make sense" and the taxi driver stops the car. "Please get out. We're here and I can't stand anymore of this."

The lot of you stumble out, into your building and everyone disappears into their rooms but before you can figure out how your key fits in your lock a pale slender hand grabs it and unlocks your door for you.

"Thanks" you sheepishly grin and she winks at you.

"I really like you, Santana. I think we should be friends."

"Yeah?" You ask her. "I'd like that."

"Me too" she smiles and before she turns around to go to her own room you kiss her on the lips. She giggles after she pecks your lips once more then she turns around and you can't help the grin that forms on your face as you watch her walk away. You didn't cry while you were drunk and you made one friend. Sounds like a pretty start of the year.


	2. Exploring

The morning after your first night in Amsterdam you wake up with a killer headache and no recollection of how you got back to your room. Some random flashes of weird conversations about Asians in overcrowded cabs come flooding back, but for all you know those could be dreams. After taking the hottest shower you ever took and twenty minutes of drinking water straight from the tab, because you haven't bought glasses yet, you realize you don't have any food in your room either. With no goal in mind you stumble out of your room into the hallway, only to bump into Sam who looks kind of similar to what you must look like.

"I wanted to eat but I don't have any food because I arrived yesterday and I feel like puking right now." is his only reaction to your run in.

You wince, "keep the volume down, Trouty. My head is fucking killing me and I can understand it's hard to keep your huge lips closed, but if you don't I'm gonna have to cut a bitch. That bitch being you." He gives you a blank look, apparently your insults aren't so scary when you have a killer headache and look like shit at the same time. So you share a look of understanding and a silent compromise follows. The two of you knock at the same door at the same time, a horrible looking Rachel opens the door with a quiet "not so loud, please."

So you two walk in (the room smells of alcohol so bad you almost run out again), sit down on her bed and stare at her with pleading eyes. She shakes her head and winces because the movement must've made her headache worse. You'd laugh if you didn't feel exactly the same way and weren't so focused on not throwing up. Thank god she understood your silent plea and starts making you food.

She's doing exactly this when Brittany walks in, looking a little better than the three of you.

"Wow Rachel, what the hell happened in your room. It smells like something died in here." She says as a greeting in a way too chirpy voice. The three of you shush her at the same time and that only makes her giggle.

"Had a little too much fun last night?"

This time only Sam groans as a response and you just let yourself fall backwards onto Berry's bed.

"Okay princesses. I'll shut up." And she throws her hands up in the air as she sits down on the bed next to you.

After Rachel's brought you your food and you've thrown a mini-tantrum about what the actual fuck she's trying to feed you (to which Rachel responded in a hushed tone that she is vegan, a very healthy and considerate lifestyle, thank you very much) Brittany gives you a strange smile and asks you if you had fun the night before.

"I think I did. I don't really remember, everything is kind of blurry. Do you know how I got into my room?"

Then she gives you that secretive smile again and responds with: "I sure do."

You don't know what she means with that or if you made a fool of yourself but you guess not because she keeps sending you the brightest smiles for the remainder of your breakfast. You all end up hanging out in Rachel's room a bit longer after having breakfast. You tell yourself you would have been gone a lot sooner, if you weren't too hungover to move. But that problem solves itself because Artie ends up wheeling in with some painkillers because apparently he heard you all groaning from the other side of the hallway. You don't remember seeing him after you left the restaurant, which could be totally your fault since you'd been hitting the shots pretty hard already, but turns out to be true because he didn't feel like going somewhere that he wasn't sure of being wheelchair friendly.

"We just went to a bar, Wheels, not exactly the high end club Blaine promised us. It was just a bar." you snarl at him from your spot on the bed. Brittany shoots you a look, so you add: "thanks for the painkillers though." in a gentler voice.

Refusing to take defeat you get up and tell everyone in the room you're going to unpack the rest of your stuff and into town later to get groceries and some other basic stuff. You didn't mean it as an invitation, but you don't mind a certain blonde following you out of Rachel's room and into your own.

* * *

She closes the door behind you and sits down on your bed while you grab your first handful of clothing to stuff your closet with. She watches you walk around your room with various items of clothing for a while before she breaks the silence.

"How are you feeling?"

You look at her and her blue eyes are full of concern. "Better now that I've had breakfast and we're no longer near Berry."

Brittany giggles. "Even with a hangover she's too much. Although you liked her vegan pancakes."

"No, I didn't." But Brittany is seeing right through you.

"You did, but I won't tell anyone." She smiles and damn, she's too pretty for her own good.

You shake your head, smiling, and change the subject. "Are you dating anyone back home? Because if you're not, you should go after Trouty or Wheels. They were hitting on you pretty hard last night and both drooling over their breakfast while you were in the room this morning." Brittany laughs at that.

"I thought Sam was gay the first time I met him, but apparently he's not. He's got a girlfriend back home, but they decided to have an open relationship now that he's here. Also, he could be my brother. It's gross." You nod. Fair enough, she's too pretty for them anyway.

"Soooo, are you seeing anyone?" Her voice sounds sort of… hopeful? Which is weird because you pride yourself on your gaydar and she does not ping. So you scoff, "Hell no, the New York City girls are all crazy. They think one night of lady lovin' equals a relationship. No thank you very much." She giggles at your extreme reaction and her giggling makes you laugh, what in turn makes her laugh harder and you end up bursting with laughter. Artie comes wheeling in and asks you what's so funny. The two of you stop laughing, look at each other and burst out laughing again. Artie glances at the two of you and says in his English accent: "whatever, we're all waiting for you because we want to go into town to get food."

* * *

So you go out and take the tram to the city centre, which turns out to be kind of a struggle with Artie's wheelchair, but you eventually end up near something called the 'Koningsplein' and apparently that means King's Square. Frankly you couldn't give a damn, you are so hungry you could eat the damn square itself, but it's Brittany talking about the square so you keep your mouth shut and listen closely. When you walk into a supermarket (who the fuck calls their supermarket Albert Heijn?) you hear Brittany goofing off with Mike so you decide to make small talk with Lips and Robocop. Sam is sort of flirting with you and you shut him up immediately by saying: "Not into that, Trouty. See, if your vagina shaped lips were actually a vagina, I might have considered it. But unfortunately, too much dick and too little boobs."

He looks at you flabbergasted and mumbles: "No, I have a girlfriend." to which you respond with: "I bet you do, but where is she now? I doubt you can keep mister Happy in your pants for a year. So don't even start."

Sam huffs and shakes his Bieber haircut while Artie laughs out loud. "So now that we got that out of the way, we can have an actual conversation about something. And stop staring at my boobs, Wheels. I know they're at eye level for you, but that doesn't mean you have the right to stare."

During your shopping trip you learn that Sam goes to UCLA (of course, that explains the bleached hair) and lives in a frat house (of course), while Artie is from Oxford (of course) and is majoring in something with computers (of course, that explains the nerdiness). At the cash register you're telling them you're here to study law when Brittany bounces over with a pout and says: "I didn't even know what you were studying. I didn't even ask." But you assure her that it's not a big deal and remind her that you didn't ask her either. She starts bouncing on her feet then and starts talking about how she already told you she goes to Julliard and that she's so excited to dance with Dutch dancers and have some of the same classes as Mike. By the time you get out she's even more bubbly than normal and you don't know how, but she ends up on your back with you giving her a piggyback ride. "You're taller than me, why am I doing this?" That causes the entire group to burst out laughing and Mike makes a whipping noise. Which makes you chase him with Brittany on your back who is swinging her arms around like a madman. You're so glad you met her, without her this bunch of losers would have driven you mad already. Although you rethink that statement when she makes it a point to stay on your back until you enter a different shop and then after you get out again.

* * *

By the time you're back in your room you're exhausted, the only thing that keeps you going is that Mike is ordering pizza for you, Sam and Brittany. You decide to use the little time you have now to Skype Quinn, who you haven't spoken to since you arrived. She accepts your call after three rings with the biggest smile you've ever seen on her and a loud: "HEY SAN!"

Tina joins her a few minutes into the call and you miss your roommates so much for a moment. "You guys would love Amsterdam so much. Britt is gonna show me around one of these days and-"

"Who's Britt?" They ask at the same time. But you can't reply because Mike comes walking into your room, "Hey Santana, the pizza will be here in a few minutes. We're all eating in my room, care to join?"

You tell him you'll be right there and he waves to Tina and Quinn on the screen before leaving. As soon as he's closed the door Tina squeals. "That is the hottest guy I've ever seen. I wanted to come and visit you already, but I think I have no other option anymore. Is he single?" You nod and roll you eyes in the typical Lopez fashion, that girl is boy crazy.

"T, he's in Amsterdam for at least another year, what on earth do you think will happen?" When she replies that she's not looking for a serious relationship, but she could think of a few things she wants to happen with Mike, you shake your head and say goodbye to your two roommates with a promise to call them again soon.

* * *

As soon as you walk in Mike tells you your friends are cute, especially the Asian one and you know that when Tina comes to visit you, she won't be spending much time in your room. Brittany asks you who you were talking to as soon as you sit down next to her with a slice of pizza in your hand.

"Quinn and Tina, my roommates." you respond.

"Oh, are those the girls in your Facebook profile picture?" she asks curiously. When you give her a weird look, she raises her brow.

"Have you been Facebook stalking me?" you ask her while you take a bite of your pizza.

"I was just-" but she can't finish her sentence, since you yelled a loud: "WHAT THE FUCK" into the room. Everyone is looking at you, so you shrug and say: "The pizza tastes a little different." They must think you're crazy, the looks you get confirm this.

"So who is in for another night at the bars?" Mike asks. No one is really excited, which isn't all that surprising if you think about how everyone felt that morning. Brittany has a better idea though. She just holds up a bag of weed and says: "You're in Amsterdam now. We should at least do it once while we can." And who are you to argue with that logic. So you watch her roll three joints, you watch Sam and Mike both light one, you watch Rachel splutter and talk about her vocal chords, you watch Brittany pass the joint to you, you watch the joint as you inhale and you watch Brittany with her dopey smile and glassy blue eyes for the rest of the night.

* * *

Everyone is giggling, eating stale pizza and trying to make conversation. You just listen to them and enjoy Brittany's hand that's tickling your thigh. Artie is just rolling around in circles, Sam is trying to eat pizza but he keeps saying how his mouth is so dry and then proceeds to drink a glass of water with the pizza still in his mouth, Mike just thinks everyone is hilarious, Brittany is just giggling at everything he says and Rachel left already saying the smoke is bad for her future Broadway career. You just giggle and listen, sipping the glass of water Mike brought you.

All you can think about after an hour or so, is sleep. How nice it would be to just sleep, right then and there. This couch is comfortable enough to sleep, you feel drowsy enough to sleep, you might just go to sleep. And that's what you do. You pass the fuck out in the middle of Mike's room, slumped against Brittany. The last thing that slips your mind before you fall asleep is how embarrassed you'd be if you weren't so fucking stoned.

* * *

You wake up to strong arms lifting you off the floor.

"Everyone left or fell asleep. I though you wouldn't want to wake up sore tomorrow." says a still giggling Brittany. You shake your head in response, still too tired and stoned to really reply. She carries you all the way to your room, tucks you in and gives you a soft kiss on your forehead.

"Stay." You manage to mumble when she's about to leave. She giggles again and takes her jeans off. You do the same and when she comes crawling underneath your covers you feel her bare legs agains yours. You sigh contently and pass out again immediately. You don't register her wrapping her arms around you or your own body moving closer to hers.


	3. Introductions

Waking up is odd.

Not just because you're not used to your room yet, but because your bed is more crowded than the night before.  
You roll over and get a face full of sunshine blonde locks. You jump out of your bed and you're about to get a knife out of your tiny kitchen, but then you remember that you don't have any knives and that it's only Brittany because you asked her to stay while you were high.

Right.

You don't know if you can deal with this; a pretty girl that's half naked and in your bed. Usually when you wake up next to half naked girls, it's after a whole night of doing something completely different than of falling asleep because you couldn't handle Dutch weed (though you would never admit that). It only gets worse when Brittany rolls over and the covers reveal her legs. You have front row seats to endless legs and a perfect butt. Before you can really start your leering, a groaning sound comes from the human form on your bed.

"Water." she croaks in the sexiest morning voice.

You laugh. "At your service princess."

And because you actually have cups now, you bought them yesterday in between piggyback rides, you can even bring the water to her. She sits up, sleepily blinks a few times and combs a hand through wild morning hair. When she reaches for the glass you're holding, the sweetest smile breaks out on her face.

"I had a really good time last night." The combination of her words, her in your bed and the way she looks makes you laugh out loud.

"What?" She asks, confused.

"It's just, if someone walked in right now, they'd totally get the wrong idea." She looks at herself, glances at you and then giggles.

Of course you jinxed it by saying that, because the door flings open and a distressed Sam comes barging in, saying: "Santana. Do you still have the schedule, I lost m- _oh_." He spots the two of you, half dressed, in your bed. His mouth opens and closes again, for once he doesn't know what to do with his huge mouth.

"This isn't what it looks like, Vagina Lips, and if you even think of opening your enormous mouth about this to anyone, you better sleep with one eye open for the rest of your life."

He gulps, nods, turns around and walks out. You shake your head and mumble something in Spanish, only to get interrupted by long slender arms wrapping around your middle.

"Wouldn't it be funny if everyone thinks we slept with each other, even though we didn't."

You groan. "Then they'd all think I'm trying to turn all the straight girls in Amsterdam. Not that I couldn't, I mean, _look_ at me, but they'd keep all the girls away from me. Too afraid I might steal them."

"What makes you think I'm straight?" She challenges.

That catches your attention. "You mean… You mean, you're not?"

She shrugs. "Maybe I am, maybe I'm not. I'm gonna go shower in my own room, thanks for the water." She gets out of bed, grabs her jeans and walks towards the door.

"Wait, what...? Britt, this isn't fair." You splutter.

She throws a "see you later" over her shoulder and then the door slams behind her.

You cannot keep up with that girl.

You want to though.

Fuck.

* * *

You walk into Sam's room without knocking. He's standing in the middle of his nearly empty room in his Spiderman boxers, getting dressed

"Santana. What are you doing here?" He tries covering up his junk with his hands. You shake your head at his desperate movements.

"Don't even bother, Bieber, it's not like I'm gonna try to stare at your dick. In fact, I'd rather you put some jeans on so I won't be reminded that I'm in the room with a half naked guy who looks like he could be a stripper."

When gives you a blank look, you add: "I ran out of dollars to stick into you underwear, not that I would ever come that close to your penis, and I think Euros are a bit more painful to get thrown at you. Being coins and all"

"Yeah… So... Why are you here again?" Oh right, you got so caught up in your stripper talk, you forgot you came here with a purpose.

"You came marching into my room this morning, unfortunately, with something about your schedule. I suppose you had a question about our meeting at the University?"

Mike and Brittany are going to some prestigious dance school and Rachel to some musical theatre school so the two of you go are the only ones going to University of Amsterdam, Artie is as well, but all the computer nerds have class in a different building closer to the dorms. He's getting a different introduction than you two.

You thought about going to your introduction alone. Being by yourself all day in an unknown city with a group of people you don't know kind of freaks you out though, you aren't exactly known for easily making friends. Sam is okay, you sort of like him and you might be able to have a laugh because that kid can be dumb as shit. So you decide to take him with you.

"Oh, yeah. Wanna go together?"

You smile at that, apparently Sammieboy felt the same. "Sure. I'll come to your room in an hour." Without waiting for a response you leave to find Brittany and tell her you can't go into town with her this afternoon.

She isn't bothered at all, which kind of bums you out. "Mike needs some stuff too, so I'll just go with him. Wanna meet after your introduction? We could have dinner or something?"

"Yeah, cool. Just meet me at the entrance around 6." She says she will and hugs you goodbye.

You grab your stuff, eat something and go back to Sam's room. You open the door and hear someone say: "Oompf." Apparently Sam was opening the door at the same moment and you smacked him in the face. You can see a bruise starting to form on his forehead.

"We should really work on this whole 'running into each other at inconvenient times'-thing." He just nods while he's rubbing his head.

"Ready to go, mister Third Eye?" With a sigh, he nods again.

* * *

The introduction is even worse than you thought.

You've been sitting in the same chair, listening to the same man talking about the university for about an hour now. You can't feel your ass anymore and Sam fell asleep twenty minutes in, which means you've just been bored by yourself. When he finally announces a break, you don't know how you got out of there so quickly, but in less than a minute you're already smoking your first cigarette of the day. Sam comes walking out of the big green doors rubbing his eyes sleepily.

"That dragged on like the ending of Lord of the Rings three." You tell him as soon as he gets to you.

"Hey!" He protests. "Return of the King was the best one!." You roll your eyes at him and decide that looking at your surroundings is more interesting than that conversation. It's a small courtyard surrounded by the old university building, it's gorgeous and so calm. "Sam, what was this location called again?" You look back to him and he just shrugs.

"How should I know? I don't know any Dutch." _Those lips_, you can't get over them.

A tiny, incredibly gay guy, who has hair with way to much hairspray in it, comes up to you and says: "I couldn't help but overhear your question and I think I know the answer." His voice is just what you expected, way too high and way too soft. Instead of saying something in Dutch he just holds up his brochure with some random Dutch words on them. Apparently that's the name you're looking for but you don't really get past 'Oude' and then you give up. Dutch is way too hard.

"Well, that didn't help shit." You breath out with the last puff of smoke.

"At least I tried, blondie locks over there didn't even try to help you." The kid has an attitude. "I'm Kurt Hummel and I'll be studying here for the next two semesters."

He holds out his hands, while his eyes roam over Sam's butt when the blonde boy bends over, after he's dropped something.

"Right. Santana Lopez and that boy you're trying to sex up with your eyes is Sam Evans."

Kurt gives you a sleazy smile. "I've always had a thing for Southern boys."

You and Sam both just stare at him wide-eyed. And before you have properly registered this Kurt's level of gay, you're called in again. This time, Kurt sits down next to you and when Blaine comes on stage to talk about some fun things to do while you're in Amsterdam, you can practically see Kurt drooling over the triangle-eyebrowed guy. Sam, of course, doesn't register because he fell asleep. A-_fucking_-gain. At least you spotted the mystery Asians again, for the first time in two days. This time their clan grew, there's five of them now.

* * *

You're outside smoking a cigarette after the tour of your building, when Blaine finds you. Sam is still trying to keep up with Kurt's yapping, while Blaine is excitedly talking to you about the nightlife in Amsterdam, the living arrangements, the food and apologizing for how drunk he was two nights ago.

You. Don't. Care.

"You know what, Gay number one? It's fine, it was actually quite fun. So here's what we're gonna do. You're gonna come and have dinner with me, Sam, Britt and Mike and then we're gonna go out again because I can't be alone with Rachel fucking Berry anymore." Blaine doesn't seem fazed but nods anyway. "Also, you might wanna invite Gay number two, because I think he has a thing for you."

So that's what happens.

Brittany and Mike are already waiting at the entrance of the courtyard by the time everyone's got their stuff and made it outside.

"So, we brought some extra people. Hope you don't mind?" Sam says to them.

"We know, I already text Blaine about it." Brittany smiles.

That just confuses the hell out of everyone except for Brittany and Blaine and you decide that you need to get yourself a phone, just so you can text Brittany too. And it's sorta practical. Maybe.

Since no one but Brittany and Blaine have bikes, you walk to a small Chinese restaurant nearby and discuss Amsterdam and your introduction over greasy Chinese food.

"The introduction was so bad. I can't believe I survived." You tell Brittany.

"Hey! We tried to make it at least a little bit interesting." Blaine interrupts you.

Sam comes to his rescue by saying: "Yeah. It wasn't that bad."

"How would you know? You were asleep the whole time." You snarl at him. Kurt is kissing Blaine's ass by telling him it was all very interesting and clear, while Sam just frowns at his food until Mike asks him a question about Call of Duty or something equally nerdy.

* * *

Dinner ends up with everyone in the bar next door, getting shitfaced. Blaine keeps buying beer for everyone (except for Kurt, who doesn't drink beer because it's disgusting and makes you fat), shouting about loving Dutch beer and flirting with Kurt at the same time, while Kurt is nearly chugging his fruity cocktail out of excitement. Mike and Sam are having a discussion about video games again when some dance beat comes on. Brittany perks up next to you, next to Sam Mike does as well. They give each other a mischievous glance.

"We shouldn't." He says but the look in his eyes betrays him.

He's going to do it anyways, whatever _it_ may be. They get up at the same time and walk over to the emptiest part of the bar, while Brittany just shoves her beer into your hand. The two dancers stand across form each other, counting and nodding their heads to the beat.

Then, perfectly synchronized, they start some kind of choreography. It only lasts for about two minutes, but in those two minutes everyone in the bar ends up staring at them wide-eyed. In-credible. It's obvious they've been dancing together for a long time. The way they move, perfectly in sync, knowing exactly what the other is about to do, it's mesmerizing. Brittany flips her hair, shakes her hips and smiles at you seductively like she's been doing it her entire life. She probably _has_ been dancing like this her entire life. She was made for dancing, for moving like this. You've never seen anything like it and _god_ is she sexy. That little smirk, like she knows what you're thinking, is driving you crazy. The song slowly fades away and everyone starts clapping. You take a big sip of your beer and another when she comes walking in your direction, a little out of breath.

"That was…" You're speechless. You absolutely have no words for the way her body just seemed to move on its own accord.

"Did you like it?" She looks kind of shy. Before you can answer a tipsy Kurt steals her away by wrapping her up in his tiny arms and screaming: "OH MY GOD BRITTANY, THAT WAS SO COOL!"

She just gives him a sheepish grin, then you get a megawatt smile and you feel strangely happy that she's still giving you attention as well.

* * *

After Mike and Brittany's impromptu performance, everything kind of dies down and you all decide to go back. Since it's still fairly early, the public transport is still going everywhere. While Sam, Mike and Kurt, who apparently lives two floors below you, are trying to squeeze themselves into a packed tram, Brittany calls after you. You turn around with a questioning look.

"Ride with me. There's no way you can fit in there and it'll be fun. Blaine and I will teach you some Dutch." She says in her usual bubbly way, seated on top of a bright yellow bike.

"You know Dutch?" She just keeps getting cooler.

Pretty blonde hair nods, while shiny white teeth say: "Yup, I do."

The guys in the tram all desperately yell your name when the blue/white doors are closing, but you just wave at them without even turning away from Brittany. You really don't care in your slightly drunk state.

"Guess you're stuck with me now." You say as the tram slowly rides away from the two of you.

She squeals. "Blaine is just getting his bike and then we can go." Fine with you, he can take as long as he likes, you're pretty content with just talking to Brittany.

"So how come I didn't know you speak Dutch?" You notice you're sort of swaying around trying to stand still.

She laughs at that. "Because you were probably too drunk to notice every time I did."

You contemplate her answer and shrug, it's probably true. You've only really been out of your dorm with her three times, two of those involved alcohol. Blaine comes biking in your direction on a white and red bike.

"My god, Gay number one, scared you'd lose your bike?" Blaine frowns and splutters: "I just wanted to be able to recognize it easily."

"Oh you will, without a doubt. Now I was promised some Dutch lessons, so let's go."

* * *

The ride back nearly kills you three times. Who knew that jumping onto the back of a moving bike could be so hard? Especially with alcohol in your system. The three of you manage to make it home safely, with a lot of almost falling and screaming and no Dutch lessons on the way back.

Amsterdam by bike is great.

You love how it seems like all the locals want to race you, since they're all biking past you in a hurry. The canals are beautiful and with all the old buildings around them, you feel like you're in some sort of movie. You feel so peaceful sitting on the back of Brittany's bike, listening to her and Blaine laughing about something. You don't even care about the pain in your ass the bike causes you.

Your bubble is bursted when you walk onto your floor and you hear Rachel lecturing Mike, Sam and Kurt about being drunk. She's yapping about being responsible and preparing for our classes. You can't help but think that she is kind of hurt that she wasn't invited. You also can't help but think that you don't give a damn. Brittany is by far a better person than you are, because she tells Rachel she has tons of alcohol in her room and that she's invited to join the rest of your group while they continue drinking.

She claps her hands and runs off, saying something about getting Artie to join the Floor 3 Extravaganza as well.

So ten minutes later everyone is cramped up in Brittany's room. Sam is sitting next to Artie on some cushions the floor, Mike behind them on the counter, Brittany on the only chair she has and Kurt and Blaine are sitting way too close to each other on Brittany's bed. You don't know how you ended up next to a drunk, clingy Rachel on the couch, but you did. You can't say you're enjoying it. She keeps wrapping you up in hugs and holding you close. When she does so for the fifth time in one hour Brittany catches your desperate glance.

"Okay Rachel, how about truth of dare?" _Lifesaver_.

"_Yeeesss_." She shouts in your ear, deafening you. Well, at least she let go of you. "Okay. Brittany, truth or dare?"

You groan. "I'm 21, why am I playing this?" You let your head fall into your hands.

"Shush, Santana, don't be a partypooper. I pick… truth." Brittany says. Berry thinks and thinks, nothing happens.

"So, Brittany, is there anyone you would hook up with in this room." Kurt slurs after an awkward silence.

Brittany grins into her cup as she takes a sip. "Yup."

Now _that_ draws everyones attention.

"Who is it?" Kurt gasps.

"Is it me?" Barbra asks.

"I knew it!" Mike exclaims.

"Not telliiiing." She singsongs but you catch her giving a tiny nod to Mike who just smiles. "Kurt, truth or dare?" She diverts her attention.

Without missing a beat he says: "truth."

"Are you gonna take Blaine home tonight?" That causes you to almost choke on your mouthful of whiskey coke. Kurt and Blaine both turn red and Kurt is drunkenly stammering bullshit, while Blaine says: "I have a boyfriend… I think. I can't really remember" with a faraway look in his eyes.

The commotion dies down again, but a bridge has been crossed.

Mike dares Sam to make out with Rachel, who loudly protests that she has a boyfriend, but does so anyway. Artie almost pisses his pants laughing when he finds out that Sam accidentally made out with a dude ("It was really dark, okay? And he had really soft, long hair."). You dare Mike to piss out of the three story window, which causes Rachel to gag and you think she might actually throw up because _damn_, that girl can't handle her liquor. Like, at all. You're all drunk, but Berry is on a whole different level

She seems a bit more sober when she dares you to kiss Brittany. You've had worse dares in your life. In your drunken haze you challenge Brittany: "Think you can handle all this hotness, sweetie?"

Brittany just gives you a predatory smirk. "Oh please, I know I can." The two of you lean forward at the same time and when your lips meet halfway, you know it's not just gonna be a peck.

Your lips move agains hers. She opens her mouth and runs her tongue over your bottom lip, asking for entrance, which you gladly grant her. Her tongue tastes like the vodka-cranberry she's been drinking all night with a bitter aftertaste from the beer. The two of you are in your own little bubble, the whole group is too flabbergasted to make a sound. But as soon as they snap out of their daze you hear the guys starting catcalls and Berry's "OH MY GOD!" With a drunken giggle you both realize where you are and pull back.

She smiles at you with hooded eyes and pink lips. It's adorable. You smile back at her, then exclaim: "And that pussies, is how you kiss a girl." while looking at the cheering group of people.

* * *

Thirty minutes later, you're in Brittany's room smoking a cigarette out of her window while everyone (Kurt and Blaine disappeared a while ago) is running around the hallway screaming and banging on doors. They're too drunk to realize that they are banging on their own doors, since they're the only ones who live there, and that's why not one door has opened yet.

Not that you care too much.

You have enough trouble focussing on getting your cigarette to your lips and not falling out of the window, it's not like you can tell them they're dumb fucks at the same time. A loud "CLANG" shakes you out of your thoughts and you can see Brittany lying on the floor, holding the bottle of vodka up.

"It didn't break! I didn't break it." She proudly exclaims, while trying to get up. That takes a while and suddenly you notice she's in her bra and shorts, nothing more.

"Hey Britt. Were you nearly naked all night? How did the fuuuuck did I miss that? I'd tap that _haaaard_." You say, looking her up and down without shame.

"Sam has my shirt, he's a pirate now." You don't care, because Brittany managed to get up and is walking towards you with a seductive smirk. She stops when her body presses against yours and whispers in your ear.

"Remember our conversation from this morning?"

You nod. You're afraid that if you speak, you might break the sexual tension.

"I'm not all that straight." She pulls back, glances at your lips and says: "I'd totally tap that too." You can smell the alcohol, somewhere your mind you realize that this is probably a bad idea, but when her eyes flick back to your lips again you don't care, so you lean in and kiss her.

* * *

**A/N:** Oude means old in Dutch. Just so you know.


	4. Hangovers

**A/N: Sorry it took so long. Finals were kicking my ass. Here's a short update.**

* * *

You wake up to a sharp throbbing in your head. Your mouth feels like the Sahara and your body is in a very awkward position. Trying to stretch your limbs you groan, your back is sensing this is not your bed. It's way too uncomfortable and short. Apparently it's not broad either because when you try to roll over you fall off onto the floor. You feel pathetic, you're muttering some curse words in Spanish, while desperately trying to not move your head around. You open your eyes, only to close them again. The fucking light is trying to stab your brains out. Slowly you try again, you look around you through hooded eyes. "Where the fuck am I?" Mike is on the floor next to the kitchen cupboards, cradling an empty bottle in his sleep, Artie is next to the door in his wheelchair, drooling on himself and Rachel is sprawled out on the coffee table. You still have no idea whose room this is until a familiar head of blond hair suddenly sits up in bed, showing of a bra clad chest. Brittany looks as confused as you feel and when you catch her eyes she just blinks. You want to ask her what the fuck happened the night before but as soon as you open your mouth you feel bile rising up in your throat. You scramble up as fast as you can and run into the bathroom to puke your guts out.

After dry heaving some more, there's a knock on the door followed by the sleepy blonde walking in with a glass of water.

"I thought maybe you could use this." she says kindly.

You thank her by croaking a "thanks" and coughing up some more vomit. When you're done and she hands you the water you drink it all in one go.

"I have never felt so bad in my life." You tell her while you're still hugging the toilet and she's sitting next to you. Your eyes are finally adjusted to the light, so you look around the bathroom and decide you recognize it.

"This is your room right?" She nods. "I just threw up all over your toilet. I'm sorry, I kinda hoped it was Berry's room."

She giggles and winces. "Too hungover to laugh. And it's okay, it was gross already after last night."

"Yeah, how the fuck did I end up on your couch? Why didn't I go to, _oh_." You suddenly remember the two of you making out like sixteen year olds the night before.

She smiles and says: "yes, oh. That's why." You swallow.

"Did we…?" But before she can answer, the bathroom door flings open and a green looking Mike comes barging in. You don't know how fast you have to move away from the toilet. His shirt has pink stains on the front, apparently the bottle you though was empty wasn't so empty and spilled all over his shirt while he was asleep. You crawl out of the bathroom and quickly close the door. Just in time too, it almost sounds like Mike is practicing bird calls.

Brittany gives you some gum and puts on some slow, soft music to drown out Mike's noise, unfortunately it's only slightly successful. The two of you start cleaning up a bit while throwing each other shy glances. You don't know what happened last night, the last thing you remember is her stumbling into the room while you were smoking and you kissing her after she told you she's not all that straight. _Wait_, she's not entirely straight. You stop throwing empty cans and bottles in the trash and look at her slender figure doing some dishes while she's slowly swaying to the music. You smile to yourself, she looks so cute in her fluffy, flannel pajama pants and the pink tank top she must've quickly thrown on when you ran to the bathroom, that you just want to hug her. You walk over to her with and empty bottle of vodka and a few empty beer cans in your hands.

"What should I do with the glass?" you ask her.

"Put it on the shelf. Me and Mike always do that back home." She says pointing at the shelf that above the tiny kitchen.

You nod and reach to put it up there. "You and Mike live together?" You're too short so she grabs the bottle without even looking at you and puts it up there with a wink in your direction. You try your best not to blush.

"Yup, together with our friend Matt and a girl named Harmony, who's a lot like Rachel. Mike is my favorite roommate though." As on cue, there's more dry heaving coming from the bathroom.

"I think Mike agrees." And the two of you giggle while Mike continues his attack on Brittany's toilet. When you fall silent again, she turns her body to face you and you can't help but stare at those blue pools.

"Your eyes are so blue." You blurt. She gives you a smile.

"Your lips are so full." You see her eyes flick to your lips but before you can lean in, the door opens and Sam comes stumbling in without a shirt on and with Brittany's shirt wrapped around his shaggy, blonde hair.

After an awkward silence where the three of you just stare at each other, Brittany says: "I think I'm gonna start breakfast and get everyone some painkillers." You and Sam just nod, while you continue your stare battle. Sam is the first to break eye contact. "Fine, we'll talk later." He says and you don't know how the two of you got to a stage where you discuss what's going on with the girls in your life, but apparently you're there. Secretly, though you'd never ever admit it, you kind of like the idea of having Sam as your friend. Not that you'd _ever_ tell him. "Fine" you huff and you set yourself on the couch again just in time to hear Rachel groan and see her trying to get up from the coffee table.

"What did I do last night?" she asks no one in particular, her hair looking like she had a fight with it.

"You downed half a bottle of vodka, made out with me and smoked a cigarrete." Sam kindly reminds her.

"I smoked WHAT?" Everyone in the room winces and she doesn't seem to care that she has a boyfriend she sort of cheated on the night before. "My vocal chords will need at least two weeks of rest before they'll be back to normal and school starts before that." She sighs dramatically.

"Does that mean you won't be able to talk for two weeks? Because then I'm all for it." That remark earns you a glare from Brittany and Rachel and a high five from Sam. Yeah, this new friendship might just work.

* * *

"So?" Sam quietly asks after everyone had breakfast and Rachel woke Artie up by tripping over him because she was too busy rubbing her eyes to see where she was going. "What happened?"

"What do you mean what happened? Do I look like I remember much of last night?" You snarl in the same quiet tone but Sam doesn't seem fazed.

"So you don't remember when I walked in on the two of you making out?" You look at him wide-eyed. "Oh man, this is gonna be so good."

"If you want to have kids sometime in your life you better start talking now, Trouty." He gives you a triumphant smile, but starts nonetheless.

"So after we realized that we were knocking on our own doors last night, everyone wanted to go to the common room. So, I went back to Brittany's room to see where the two of you were and to get the booze. When I walk in here, you guys were making out like you were trying to eat each other's faces.. You looked up, said that I had five seconds to get my stuff and get out and that's what I did. I figured the two of you would have made at least three babies already." You just stare at him, contemplating. You might have had sex with Brittany and not remember it? "I might have had sex with her?"

He shrugs and says, "If you did, good for you. That girl is banging." You focus your attention on your glass of water again. Did you…? No, you didn't. When you woke up, everyone was in this room, you wouldn't have done that. Would you? Except, Sam wasn't in the room.

"Where did _you_ come from when you walked in when me and Britt were cleaning?" You question.

"Huh? Oh, I woke up like an hour after we went to bed and I had to pee but since this room is the exact opposite of mine I guess I opened the wrong door and fell asleep in the hallway." He shrugs again.

You furrow your brow. "Where the fuck did you sleep in this room, it can't get any more crowded than it already is." He smirks and point to the bed. Your jaw drops. He. Did. Not.

"You jealous?" And before you can fling yourself at him, he jumps up and runs to Mike who is leaning against the tiny counter looking pale with that disgusting looking pink stain on his white shirt. You hear Artie mumbling about how he was scarred for life by walking, well wheeling, in on Kurt and Blaine and Barbra is quiet, for once. Maybe those vocal chords really did need their rest. You're not complaining.

"Hey." A slightly better looking Brittany sits down next to you.

"Hey yourself." You smile at her and she hands you a glass of water and some aspirin.

"Thanks." You feel kind of awkward and you're dying to know what happened, so you swallow the pills and decide to just man up and go for it.

"So I heard Sam slept next to you…"

She turns her head to you with a sly smile on her face. "He did."

"But he has a girlfriend." You pout.

"It's an open relationship, Santana. He can do whatever he wants as long as he doesn't tell her." She seems to be enjoying watching you trying to get everything out of you. "What does it matter to you? Feeling jealous?"

You scoff. "Me? Jealous? No way. I just don't want him to do something he might regret."

"And do you think he'd regret sleeping with me? Would you?" Before you can even think of a proper response to that Mike comes over and says he's going to get a clean shirt because the shirt he has on smells so much like alcohol he is going to throw up again. Brittany says she has a clean shirt for him and gets up to get it. When she sits back down you ask her why she has a clean guys' shirt here.

"Oh, someone left it here by accident."

"Did they now?" You don't know what to think. She looks so innocent, apparently she's not, going at it after only a few days in a new city.

"Mhm, they did." And she's silent again, with that smirk of hers. "It was my cousin." Oh. Right. You feel stupid now. But since you're already feeling awkward and no one is paying attention to you sitting on the couch and having a hushed conversation, you decide to just dive in and get the real question out there.

"So Britt, did we… Did we do anything last night?" You can't look her in the eyes while you ask, so you make sure you're focussed on the stained coffee table in front of you.

Brittany just giggles. "You don't remember?" You shake your head.

"Well, Sam walked in, you sent him out again, threatening him or something. We made out some more but then Mike ran in, threw up out of my window. That was kind of a mood kill because it smelled like vomit afterwards and Mike passed out on the floor. So we went to Rachel's room, then back to mine and everyone just passed out. So no, we didn't _do_ anything." She giggles.

You didn't sleep with her and you don't know if you're happy about not doing it and then not remembering or bummed that you didn't sleep with such a hot girl. No bragging to Sam about it. Wait, Sam.

"How did Sam end up in your bed then?"

She looks at you as if she knew that question was coming.

"Well, he was walking around with no shirt on and I told him I wanted to touch his abs so he sat down on the bed next to me and… I passed out before I even got to touch them. Which, remind me, I still need to do." She didn't sleep with him either. That son of a bitch. Making you believe he slept with her. You look around the room for him and when you find his shirtless presence he catches your eyes, notices the angry glare you send him, gulps and jumps up, sensing the danger.

"You asshole." He gives you a insecure smile. "Why would you make me think that?" But he's already out the door. You jump up and you notice everyone staring at you, not knowing what's going on with Brittany is just laughing like she does know exactly what's going on. She probably does. "Sam, get back here!" You call out while you're stalking him out the door, almost sending Kurt flying to the ground. Him and Blaine quickly let go of each other's hands. _As if_ no one noticed, you think to yourself. "Hey Blaine, you've got your shirt on backwards." You yell at the two blushing boys, while you run past them to the stairs you just saw Sam go down. Once you're outside you find him bent over, while he's holding onto the wall for his dear life. "Too. Much. Activity. Too. Hungover." He pants and you laugh, all bad blood forgotten.

"You ass. Why did you make me think you had sex with her?" He gives you that goofy grin of his.

"Why did you even think I did? Didn't you see her undressing you with her eyes all night? There's no way she'd go for me." He says while he tries to hit you on the shoulder.

You swat his hand away. "She did?"

"Yeah dude. Artie was trying to chat her up all night and she didn't even pay him the slightest bit of attention. It was kinda sad to look at." You feel proud. But before you can express this to him, three heads appear a few floors above you. Rachel, Kurt and Brittany are hanging out of her window, asking you if everything is alright. You're fine, you just want to smoke a cigarette really bad. They throw your pack of smokes and your lighter out of the window, followed by a bottle of water that Sam manages to catch from an impossible angle.

"You a football player, huh?" You fake a Southern accent.

"That, I am. Or was. In high school. Needed the letter jacket to win over a girl." He says while showing off his guns, impersonating a bodybuilder.

You laugh at his goofy behavior. "Did it work?"

His whole demeanor changes, turns all dreamy and gooey. "It did, we're still together three years later."

You feel your heart melt at his admission, but there is no way you'd show him. You're still Santana Lopez, resident badass. You're not going to let Amsterdam change that. "Sap. Why be stuck in a relationship when you're young? Hooking up with random girls is less stress and just as much fun."

He shakes his head. "The right person can change that." And he looks up to where Brittany is still sitting in her window, laughing at something someone inside says, throwing her head back. When the two of you lock eyes again he wiggles his eyebrows and you slap him on the shoulder before lighting up your cigarette. You look up and blue locks onto brown when you take your first drag.


	5. Freak Out

Cleaning up after your wild night in the dorms was a bitch. Brittany's whole room smelled like a bar that had been open on St. Patrick's day and the hallway was all sticky because someone must have been running around, shaking an open can of beer or something. Still, it wasn't all bad. You had fun picking on Kurt and Blaine, who were obviously trying to pretend nothing happened last night. It didn't work, they could have had a neon sign above their heads screaming: 'JUST GOT LAID' and it would've been more subtle. Apparently their situation isn't all that ideal, turns out Blaine really does have a boyfriend, called Sebastian or something. Rachel was quiet for most of the day, you don't know whether it was because she was hungover, feeling guilty after her smooch with Sam or scared that she might have ruined her voice. Didn't matter to you, it was nice to have a break from her endless yapping. Artie and his annoying accent disappeared not too long after breakfast because, well, let's face it, he was quite useless for cleaning in his wheelchair. Mike spent most of the day in Brittany's bed, cringing every time someone offered him something to drink or eat. You, Sam and Brittany seemed to be the only people who felt sort of fine after you had some food and something to kill the headache in you.

* * *

Brittany's party marked the start of the last week before the semester is starting and it's mostly spend outdoors, sitting in the Vondelpark (apparently that's like the meeting place for the entire population of Amsterdam when it's sunny out, or so Brittany tells you) or on the grass near your building. No one offers to go out again, which is probably for the best, because that night in Brittany's room really did leave an impression at everyone and the closer the start of school gets, the more nervous everyone gets. Except for Brittany of course, she's just really excited to dance with Dutch dancers. Rachel won't stop doing vocal runs in her room, that can still be heard in yours on the opposite side of the hallway and sometimes Kurt joins her, whenever he's not spending time with Blaine, that is. Sam is spending more and more time in your room, even joining in on your Skype sessions with Quinn, Tina and Puck, making them jealous. Mike and Brittany go running all the time to stay in shape and spend a lot of time dancing away in one of their rooms to pumping hiphop beats. The weird Asians give you death glares, apparently they _were_ home when your group got all crazy drunk and knocked on their doors, so you try to avoid them as much as possible. Artie sometimes wheels into one of your rooms, only to leave a few minutes later without really saying anything, you really don't know what to think of him besides 'major geek'.

You did end up buying a phone with Sam and Mike when you were in the city centre, so now you usually text some people from your group to see if someone feels like cooking together. You feel kind of sad for referring to them as _your group_ but you realize you don't really have anyone else in this new city besides this group of misfits. Might as well make the most of it right?

Except for Barbra, she can stay out of your group.

Outside of the daily floor dinners, you don't really see that many people besides Sam. The two of you go to another introduction, you're separated when they take you away for your law course introduction, and get your books and stuff together. You end up buying a bike you're sure that's stolen, from a smelly homeless man and you make Sam bike you to the dorms while you sit on the back. To your surprise, you only get lost twice. Which, the two of you find impressive. Amsterdam is a fucking maze with all the small one way streets next to the canals and life threatening small bike lanes. Also, everyone seems to have their own traffic rules and think that they have right of passage every-fucking-where. Taxis are especially dangerous, Sam almost got you into a full frontal crash with one so you fixed it by flipping the cab driver off.

Your parents send you daily emails that get more and more anxious the closer you get to the start of the semester, it gets so bad that their panic starts rubbing of on you and you start to get crankier by the day. Rachel especially experiences the full effects of your wrath. On the last Saturday before the start of the semester you hear the first few notes of her vocal warmups and that's when something snaps. You storm into her room, you must look like a crazy person and you don't care.

"Oh no! I refuse to hear you start some show tune again, Hobbit. I will _not_ spend the next three hours listening to you belting out the same whiny crap again. This ends NOW." You yell.

Berry just looks at you wide-eyed, with her mouth still opened from her last note.

"And close your pie hole, midget. I can almost see the light shining in through your ass from under that ridiculous skirt." That makes her close her mouth and adjust her skirt, she still hasn't said anything though. Just when she's about to, a soft voice comes from behind you.

"That was kind of mean, San."

You head snaps back and you see Brittany standing next to the door you left open, with Mike and Sam behind her. They must've come to see what all the commotion was about. Kurt rushes in, puts an arm around Rachel and takes her into the bathroom trying to make sure the tears that threaten to fall stay hidden. Mike gives you a disapproving glance and turns around to go back to his room. Brittany just shakes her head and fills a glass with water to bring to Rachel and Kurt.

"I-I'm sorry Britt. I just couldn't take it anymore. Don't say it didn't drive you crazy?" You hate how desperate you sound, but you can't lose her to Rachel freaking Berry because you almost went all Lima Heights.

Brittany just shrugs. "It did, but you could've been nicer. She's just really nervous like we all are and this is her way of dealing with it. She didn't deserve that." And with a last glance of her sad, blue eyes she walks into the bathroom, closing the door behind her.

You gulp and look up to Sam, who is still standing in Rachel's doorway. He just shrugs and says: "Let's go, dude. Just leave them for now, you can apologize later. It'll be fine." Your shoulders drop and you let his hand on your shoulder guide you out of Rachel's room into his own next door. Before you know what his idea is with this, he pushes a controller in your hands and says: "Nothing like a bit of Call of Duty to get your mind of things," with that lopsided grin of his.

* * *

So that's how you spend your last Saturday afternoon in freedom, kicking Sam's ass in Call of Duty and when it gets too much for him, you switch to a different game. Not that switching made any difference for his case, he still loses almost every round and grumpily throws the controller next to him on the couch.

"I don't know what kind of lesbian magic this is, but I'm never playing against you ever again." You laugh and your mood has lifted considerably. That is until there is a knock on the door before Brittany comes walking in. Sensing the awkwardness, Sam mumbles something about showering and locks himself in the bathroom. That damn kid, leaving you to fend for yourself.

You give her an uneasy smile, "Hi, Britt." She nods and sits down next to you on Sam's tiny couch.

"So…" You start off.

"So…" She draws out. "That was mean of you."

You deflate. "I know, Britt and I'm sorry but she just gets on my nerves and sometimes I just can't control myself anymore and my angry alter ego Snix comes out."

She shakes her head. "You shouldn't be apologizing to me though."

"I know. I know," you try to stay badass, it's just, the look she gives you just makes you give in, "and I will. Just, ugh, not now okay. I'm just really stressed out and I'll probably only make it worse if I go to her now." _Aaand_ you said it. Are you actually going to apologize? What the fuck?

She giggles at that before turning serious again. "We all are Santana. Rachel is just going through a bit of a rough patch right now." You look at her questioningly. "Do you know why she has been obsessing over her singing and why she didn't say anything about her boyfriend after she kissed Sam?" Brittany asks softly. You shake your head. "Because he broke up with her, he said the distance was already getting to him."

"That's bullshit. It's only been what? A week?" You actually feel kind of bad for the way you've been treating Rachel.

Brittany nods. "That's why she feels like singing is the only thing she has right now. Her boyfriend broke up with her and she's in this new city with all these people she doesn't know who are all bonding with each other. She's always had a hard time making friends, you can understand why, and something tells me that doesn't come natural for you either." You look away, not wanting to admit she's right. "See. So please try to humor her a bit. I know she's a pain in the ass but she just needs a bit of support right now, okay?" When you look at her, those bright blue eyes are looking at you with a hopeful glint in them and her lips have formed a pout. Oh no. You can feel yourself giving into her request, the longer you look at that damn pout.

"Fine." You huff and she gives you a megawatt smile before hugging you.

"Thank you Santana. Now what is this you were doing with Sam?" Still sulking you start to explain the game to her and when she asks you to play with her you give in to her, _again,_ even though you were completely done playing. The only reason you kept going was to humiliate Sam some more. You can't believe she just made you promise to apologize and even _be nice_ to Rachel. That girl and her damn pout. But seeing her so enthusiastic about shooting people on a screen gets you out of your funk and grinning you ask her: "Ready to be defeated?" She smiles and says something about never having played this before.

When Sam comes out of the bathroom in his boxers about ten minutes later, he instantly starts laughing at you. "Santana, you're getting your ass kicked." You sink into the couch a little deeper and mumble a "shut up". Brittany just wiggles on her spot with her legs in your lap and squeals without taking her eyes of the screen, "this is so much fun. San said she was really good but I've never played this before and it's so easy. Look Sam, I'm winning." She turns to him and completely stops paying attention to the game.

"What?" You and Sam ask at the same time while sharing a confused look after you easily shoot her on the screen.

Brittany just stares some more with her mouth opened and says: "Those abs."

Sam starts grinning like a fool. "You can touch them if you want." When Brittany gives an absentminded nod and reaches out he sends you a triumphant look. You just turn your head to the screen again and sink deeper into the couch and your foul mood again.

You hear Brittany let out a soft: "Woah, they're rock hard."

That's. It.

You jump up. "Okaaaay. How about we start dinner huh?" Effectively shutting Brittany out of her ab-induced daze, you throw your controller on the couch and reach for the remote to switch the TV off.

"Brittany, how about we go to my room to start cooking and Sam, you can go and see if someone else wants to join us for dinner, huh?" You push Brittany out the door, while Sam is still laughing at you. "Oh and put your goddamn shirt on, Trouty." You're starting to have second thoughts about this friendship.

* * *

While you and Brittany cook, well mostly you since Brittany finds recipes confusing, Sam and Mike go to the store to get some beer and wine to drink during dinner. Everybody is fully recovered from the week before and apparently decides to make the most of the last Saturday night you all share without the stress of school and exams hanging over you because when you and Brittany get up after dinner to bring the plates to your counter everyone is already laughing and talking too loud and you feel kind of wobbly yourself.

You all decide to go to the bar you went to the night Blaine took you out. You still feel kind of bad for freaking out on Rachel, so you decide to be generous and compassionate for once and buy her a ridiculously sweet cocktail because she seems like the girl who's into that kind of drink. This is also the last time you buy her anything, because that drink costs almost four times the amount of money you spend on your own beer and you're still trying to make it till the end of the semester without having to ask your parents for extra money. Brittany gives you a grateful smile when you hand Berry her colored drink with a tiny umbrella sticking out of it. Berry also won't stop thanking and trying to hug you, so there's that too.

You're actually enjoying the evening. Mike keeps telling these hilarious stories, apparently all the female dancers are all over him at Julliard because he's got the sweetest moves and the best 'straight guy appearance'. Kurt and Artie stop by the bar a little later after you texted Kurt and when Blaine shows up with his boyfriend and a few other friends things get so so awkward. Not that you care, you, Sam and Mike are enjoying the awkward glances Kurt and Blaine are sending each other. How Sebastian doesn't catch on is a mystery to you. After a few more rounds of beer, the three of you are making bets on who is going to hook up with who. The rest of the gang all seem to enjoy themselves, except for a panicked looking Blaine and a hurt looking Kurt, and their conversations, while the three of you eye them suspiciously.

"Kurt and Blaine is so gonna happen again. I call it. Someone's gonna get hurt." You slur. The boys nod, looking way too serious and deep in though for a drunk conversation in a bar about who is going to sleep with who. Must be the alcohol.

"Artie wants Britt, I'm sure of it." Mike says, you and Sam turn your heads. There it is, Wheelchair Boy is giving Brittany puppy eyes while she doesn't even realize he's there because she's too busy comparing the amount of product Blaine and Sebastian use for their hair.

"He can hope, but it'll never happen." Sam gives you a smile. "My homie Santana and Brittany have chemistry though." There's that triumphant smile that you've seen enough of today already, again.

"Yeaaaaah!" Mike starts cheering, spilling beer on the front his shirt. What is it with this kid and having alcohol on his shirts?

You groan. "Not you too Mike. Why do you keep saying that?" You say while you take a big sip of your beer.

"Because you keep sending each other these 'I wanna fuck you' looks." Mike says and you choke on your beer.

Through coughs you manage to say, "Brittany is not the only one who is fan of your abs though, Lips." You shake your head in the direction of the others. The three of you look up just in time to see Rachel whip her head in a different direction when she notices you looking at her. "I don't know how long her break up might last, so if I were you I'd get on that. If you're into annoying, singing dwarfs that is. At least your mouths would fit together, have you seen hers?"

Mike bursts out laughing, spilling _even more_ of his beer, Sam just stares at you and says, "I'm gonna get us some shots now and pretend you didn't say that," before walking in the direction of the bald bar tender.

"Speaking of Rachel, how does she manage to stay in here for so long? Everyone smokes inside. Her vocal chords must be dying." Mike says and you completely disregard his statement because you don't care and he totally made you remember why you walked over to their corner in the first place, to get your cigarettes.

"Yes! Smoking." You exclaim, Mike just gives you a weird look. You leave him to go outside and smoke, the heat and noise getting to you. Sam comes walking out a minute later with two shots in his hands.

"Holy smokes, those kids are loud. Rachel is totally gone again. The Dutch kids seem embarrassed." He laughs, you both take your shot. "And the whole Blaine, Kurt, Sebastian situation is getting worse. I think Sebastian finally sensed the awkwardness because he's totally ignoring Blaine." He coughs, the strong alcohol burning his throat.

You exhale a cloud of smoke, "Serves him right, he shouldn't cheat." You pretend that all those times you cheated on Puck with those cheerleaders back in high school didn't count. "What the fuck was that shot man? It was nasty."

Sam shrugs and starts talking about how Artie finally got Brittany to talk to him ("the poor girl") when Mike comes walking out followed by one of Blaine's Dutch friends who happens to be a really hot brunette.

"You guys, this is Judith and we're gonna bail. See ya later." He leads the girl by the hand in the direction of the dorms. Sam turns to you with an impressed look on his face as you are flicking your cigarette butt in the direction of Mike's retreating figure.

"How did he manage to pull that? We've only been gone for like five minutes."

You shrug, you don't really care. "Asian powers. Good for him. We're gonna get more beer and you're paying." Sam huffs but follows you inside and pays for your beer.

* * *

Around one o'clock you decide to call it a night. Kurt seems to be eager to come with you, looking a bit displeased at a drunk Blaine who seems to have made peace with his boyfriend again and is making out with him in a corner. Sam says he wants to go as well, but would rather keep an eye on Rachel who is swaying in her seat. You ask some of the slightly sober looking Dutch kids to make sure she gets home safe and make her text you when she gets home safe, they say they will. Brittany even makes them pinky promise it before saying she'll join you, so RuPaul is in good hands. Artie looks disappointed that Brittany left his lap, so he decides to come with you. Unfortunately. You don't like the way he looks at Brittany and you sure as hell don't like the way he glares at you.

Sam catches you frowning at Artie and whispers in your ear, "Do I sense a little jealousy here, Lopez?"

You shove him and tell him to shut up before starting to walk back to the dorms with your hands in your pockets. Brittany walks up next to you and links her arm with yours, it's not because of the cold because it's late August, it's anything but cold. You're not complaining so you smile at her. She smiles back with hooded eyes, she's drunker than you thought, you smell the alcohol on her breath. This walk back is going to be fun. It is a five minute walk that takes you little group ten because Brittany is swaying so much, Artie is slow and keeps glaring at you and Kurt stops every other step to emphasize the point he's making in his drunk rant about Blaine. After smoking two cigarettes to keep yourself from getting annoyed, you're in front of you six story building and all you can say is: "Why the fuck did we ever take a cab last time?"

You get four blank stares before everyone starts laughing.


	6. Newbie

Things get crazy for everyone after that Saturday, when the semester starts. It takes everyone a few weeks to settle into a certain routine. You hardly see anyone but Sam because everyone is so busy trying to keep up with school and you mostly have class close to Sam. So that's why you end up spending a lot of time studying or playing Call of Duty with him.

He still can't beat you.

Everyone tries to make time to have group dinners, but your group is hardly ever complete come dinnertime. Rachel spends a lot of her time rehearsing with Kurt and the other musical theatre kids at their school, Mike and Brittany have a lot of late rehearsals, you dislike Artie more and more so you just never invite him, you spend almost all your time with your new bro Sam, so he's mostly there and then you're pretty much out of people to have dinner with.

This changes in the third week of the semester. One morning, when you're making your way to class, you walk out into the hallway to see a stack of bright pink suitcases in front of the empty room that's opposite of yours. Sam comes out of his room, that is next to the empty room. You share a confused look, you notice you've been sharing a lot of those, it must be all those morons you live with, and both decide to walk out to peek into the empty room. There's more pink suitcases inside, as well as a huge bed with a fluffy pink comforter and a bunch of animal print pillows, but no .

"Hiiii."

The two of you turn around, startled, and come face to face with a girl wearing the most ridiculous outfit consisting of a tiger print shirt, a pink headband around light brown hair, skinny jeans and pink sneakers that match her headband and her suitcases.

"Oh my god." You let out.

She smiles brightly. "Almost. It's Sugar actually." She rushes over to the two of you and wraps you up in a big hug.

"Eh…" Sam awkwardly returns the hug. "I hope you don't mind me asking, but eh, what on earth are you doing here?" He asks the exact question you were thinking.

"Oh, I live here now." She shrugs as she walks back to her suitcases.

You and Sam share a confused look. Again. Those really need to stop.

"But you don't go to school here. This is for students." He splutters.

She giggles. "I am now." More confused looks.

This time it's you that asks the question. "How? The semester started like three weeks ago."

"Oh, I'm like, superrich. So daddy just paid them a little more to let me start late. And it's not like I'm actually gonna go to class." She says casually. This girl is one of a kind.

"Right…" Sam draws out but snaps into gentleman mode after he realizes that you both have been acting sort of weird, although Sugar doesn't seem bothered. "Well, I'm Sam from next door and this is Santana and she lives across from you in room 35. We'd love to stay but we really have to go to class now. Bye." With those words he ushers you out the door, leaving Sugar enthusiastically waving at you two. As soon as the door closes behind you, there's more confused looks.

You shake your head. "Whatever, let's just go to class."

* * *

This Sugar girl turns out to be all sorts of crazy and you're pretty sure you wouldn't be able to stand her, weren't it for the fact that she drives Rachel ab-so-lutely mad.

It's been two weeks since Sugar moved in.

You doubt Berry will last another two.

It all started the first day she moved in and RuPaul lectured everyone about it being unfair that people without the talent she possesses but with money can get anything done. Somehow she managed to get Sugar into singing, probably because Berry does vocal runs 24/7 and Sugar decided she was just as talented, if not more. Now _that_ really got Rachel going. At first she was trying to coach Sugar a bit, because damn, that girl really, _really_ can't sing. Sugar completely ignored all Berry's advice, apparently she was convinced she didn't need any.

Your entire floor found out that Rachel Berry does _not_ like to be ignored. Especially not when it comes to singing.

So all she's been doing for the past week is following Sugar everywhere with advice that no one listens to. It's hilarious.

You and Brittany actually spent an entire afternoon sitting in the hallway with popcorn and beer just watching the interaction between those two, smiling at each other and getting drunk. Berry would walk into Sugar's room, Sugar would then walk out into someone else's room, Rachel would follow, yapping on and on and on.

That got boring apparently, because now Rachel spends most of her time trying to outsing Sugar. Meaning, whenever Sugar starts singing on one end of the hallway, Berry will start a different song, twice as loud on her end of the hallway.

You and Brittany thought it was funny but after an entire day of one diva trying to out-diva the other diva it became a bit too much.

Even Kurt thought so.

* * *

Two days later and the singing just keeps getting louder. Sugar doesn't seem fazed, she keeps on doing what she's doing. Every time Rachel opens her mouth it's louder than before and everyone is slowly going crazy. Everyone's doors are closed now instead of opened like they used to be and when someone has to walk onto the hallway, they make sure to wear headphones with the music obscenely loud. For the past two days, you've actually been grateful to escape your building to go to class. As much as you love seeing Rachel so on edge about someone, Sugar really is an awful singer.

You kind of like her though. She's quirky, even more so than Brittany, she's funny and doesn't care about anything at all, she's just a bit much sometimes. Especially when you're hanging out with Brittany in one of your rooms, trying to find out what Brittany thinks of you and an oblivious Sugar comes barging through the door.

You wish you saw Brittany more than you do now, getting back into keeping up with your reading and going to lectures is hard, every time you see her though, the lingering glances and fleeting smiles are still present. Sometimes when you're both at group dinners you sit next to each other and it feels so normal to just put your arm around the back of her seat or you enjoy the feeling of her arm resting against yours on the table a bit too much. You've only know her for what? Six weeks? Yet you can't help but being interested. She's just so captivating with her funny way of thinking and her bright blue eyes. The way she laughs at the whole Rachel and Sugar deal warms your insides and when she looks at you after she bursts out laughing after Berry's advice goes ignored again, making you feel like it's something only the two of you know and you're sharing something secret. Something sacred, only meant for the two of you. She's your best friend here and every time Sam catches you staring at her, he gives you this knowing smile that makes you think that maybe, just maybe, she's becoming a little bit more than that.

* * *

**A/N:** Filler chapter and I just love Sugar. School is still kicking my ass, but I'm writing the next chapter riiiight now.


	7. Others

It's the second week of October and you're skyping with Quinn and Tina. They want to come over for their entire Christmas break, which is like a month long, and stay in your room. It's fine with you, except for the slight problem that your break is only two weeks long, that leaves two weeks for them to sit around and do nothing.

"So?" Tina replies. "Maybe Mike can show us around?" She wiggles her eyebrows.

You make a gagging noise, remembering the girl he brought back the other night. She made some weird sounds, that you, Brittany and Sam listened to, wrapped up in blankets and sipping some lukewarm beer while trying to keep from laughing too loud.

Maybe it's best not to tell Tina about that particular night.

"Right. Yeah. Probably. Or someone else. I think I heard Rachel is back together with her boyfriend, so he'll probably be here to entertain you." You offer them.

"Rachel…" Quinn let's the name roll of her tongue, "Isn't that the really annoying midget that doesn't shut up." She continues.

You nod.

Shit.

You forgot you told them that.

They both make a face. "Why would we wanna hang out with him if he's her boyfriend? She sounds awful." Tina asks you. "He can't be much better."

You sigh. "Well, she's gotten better. Ever since the whole Sugar drama, she's been kinda keeping quiet and spending a lot of time at her school. Apparently she doesn't like to be outsung by someone who can't sing." You explain. "She was afraid that if she went even louder, she'd ruin her vocal chords. Which, by the way, would be fine by me." Before you can get back to the point, there's a knock on the door followed by a bouncy Rachel storming into your room.

"Speak of the devil." You murmur.

"Santana, I need your help with something. Oh, hi there." She notices Quinn and Tina on the screen. "I'm Rachel Barbra Berry, future Broadway star." You prevent her from getting completely distracted by snapping your fingers in front of her face.

"Rachel. Focus."

"Right, right." She shifts her gaze back to you. "So I have a very exciting date tonight and I need to borrow one of your dresses because this guy is very…"

"Wait? What?" You interrupt her.

"I have a date." She repeats.

You shake your head impatiently. "Yeah, I heard you the first time Hobbit. But I though you were back together with Vince or Finn or whatever."

She seems to be more stressed than usual when she answers you. "Finn and yes we were but he decided he needed his space, again, to try and a get a good idea of what he wanted in life. As you might understand being in a fully committed relationship with me is not always easy, as I'm talented and live for the sole purpose of ending up on Broadway."

"Wasn't he coming over for Christmas?" You ask her.

"Hanukkah actually, since I'm Jewish. But yes he was, we're still trying to work that out. In the meantime I'm free to do whatever I feel like doing."

You look back at your laptop screen to see Quinn and Tina stare at Rachel with their mouths wide open. Tina comes back to her senses first and starts typing something.

_"i am not hanging out with her. EVER."_ That makes you giggle.

"Santana. Will you please allow me to wear one of your dresses tonight, I don't know anyone else here who is of the same height." Berry pleads.

You freeze and Tina and Quinn both let out a scared: "ooooh", they know how sensitive you get about your length. You take a step in Rachel's direction and she visibly shrinks.

"Okay, RuPaul. Here's the deal. If you ever and I mean _ever_ compare me to yourself again. I'll make sure you end up even shorter than you already are now. I am _not_ as short as you midget." She gulps and nods. You want to continue, but then out of nowhere you hear Brittany's voice in your head. Talking about Rachel going through a rough patch and all that sentimental crap. Yet, it makes you drop the attitude and begrudgingly ask her: "Do you have a picture of him? So I can check what kind of dress he might like."

Berry looks flabbergasted but hands you her phone anyway and stutters: "J-Jesse St. James."

While you are typing in his name, you catch Tina and Quinn's eyes. You totally forgot about them.

"What the fuck, Santana?" Quinn shouts.

"What?" You ask, looking between both of them. "What did I do?"

"Nothing." Tina answers for the both of them. "That's the problem. Why didn't you go all Lima Heights on her?"

"What is Lima Heights?" Berry questions.

Brittany chooses that moment to walk in and ask Rachel about the dress.

"She's looking for one that Jesse might like."

Brittany smiles at you and says, "I told you Santana would be able to help you."

Your head snaps up to face Brittany. "You sent her?"

She nods. "Yeah, I figured you'd help her if she told you I sent her to you."

"Right, yeah, sure. No problem." You don't even mention that Rachel never said anything about Brittany sending her so you clear your throat and look at the picture on Rachel's phone. God, that dude is awful. "I know the perfect dress."

After some rummaging through your closet, you hand the Hobbit the sluttiest dress you can find and push her out. Brittany kisses you on your cheek before following Rachel out with a blinding smile and a soft "thank you". You feel your cheeks heat up.

When Tina gasps and Quinn laughs you turn your attention back to them. "Now what?"

They both have these mischievous smiles that say they know something you don't. "What guys?"

"You like her!" Quinn and Tina both exclaim.

You gulp. "Not you too."

"Woah! What do you mean? Someone else noticed too?" Both Tina and Quinn stare at you expectantly.

"Er, no?" They are not convinced and drill you with questions until you give in.

"Fine, fine. It's Sam and I don't know. I… I might like her a bit… I guess?" You can't even finish what you wanted to say because they are screaming so loud.

* * *

Brittany apparently promised Rachel she'd help her getting ready because when you look out the window a while later you see her watching Berry and her date walk away before she catches you staring at her from out the window. A few minutes later she comes into your room, thanking you for helping Rachel.

"I know you don't really like her, but I really appreciate you helping her out anyway." She smiles.

You shrug. "It's no big deal. Besides, she's better now that she's toned it down a bit." Brittany nods. "You look nice today." You say complementing her skinny jeans and denim blouse. The best thing about her outfit though, is her hat. Anyone else would most definitely not get away with hats like that, but for some reason she does.

"Nice hat." You grin.

"Thanks, S." She perks up. "I can't wait for it to be winter so I can wear them all."

"No thank you. As much as I like your hats, I fucking hate the cold."

She laughs at that. "Why did you come to Holland then? All it does is rain and besides, maybe you just need something to keep you warm."

The way she says it makes you think that with something she maybe means _someone_, a specific someone.

Her.

That idea makes winter a lot less awful.

"Maybe I do. What would you suggest for the cold Dutch weather?" You play along.

She lowers her eyes and plays with the hem of her shirt while she steps closer to you. "I don't know. Maybe you need a warm jacket, you know? One of those really puffy ones." She's almost reached you and looks into your eyes again. Her voice lowers. "Or maybe you just need someone to cuddle with. A lot." You hold you're breath and she's about to reach out to you when the door handle goes down and your door is pushed open. _Of course._

At least this time it's not Sam.

It's Artie who looks surprised that Brittany is in your room, some other emotion crosses his face as well but you can't really place it.

"Oh, hey Brittany. I was just looking for you." The two of you look at the boy expectantly. "Right. Mike just texted me, he's done with class and wants to have a few drinks near his school after dinner. Would you care to join?" He says to Brittany. "Both of you?" Apparently the English really are ridiculously polite because it's obvious he feels obligated to ask you to come with even though he looks like he'd rather have you disappear to a faraway country, or just back to the States.

Brittany looks at you questioningly. "Sure, why not." She replies after she's confirmed that you want to go. "We'll be downstairs in a few. Ask Kurt if he wants to come with, will ya?" She sweetly asks Wheels. He looks disappointed that she blows him off, but grumbles a "most definitely".

The moment he closes your door the sexy, sultry Brittany is gone and her usual bubbly persona is back. "We need to change, there's gonna be lots of cool people there. You can finally meet all my school friends and _oh_, I'll invite my cousins too. Yes! This is gonna be so much fun!" She squeals. The prospect of having to meet new people and hanging out with them instead of just your little group doesn't excite you as much as her. You were sort of thinking of maybe spending some time with just her, but you guess that'll have to wait.

* * *

An hour later you find yourself irritated and hungry at a too small dinner table with Sam, Brittany, Artie, Sugar and three of Brittany's dancer friends. The restaurant is nice and filled with too pretty, too fashionable people for your taste, too many hipsters, but it has a nice vibe. Amsterdam really is filled with all sorts of crazy arty farty people when you go to the right places, or so Brittany informed you. That's not what makes you irritated, what does make you irritated is that somehow Artie ended up next to Brittany and keeps throwing you smug glances from across the table where you're sat between Sugar and Sam who are fabulously getting along with Brittany's friends. You probably would too, they look like the type of people you might enjoy, if you weren't so busy with giving Artie death glares every time he makes Brittany laugh. All three of her friends are girls and can't get enough of Sam and his boyish looks. If you were straight you might be able to understand why, right now you're still gay and you find him super annoying. He's supposed to be your ally and not let Artie steal the girl away from right under your nose because Sam is too busy basking in the attention. As if he doesn't get enough.

So when someone suggests you all go to the bar where Mike is with some more of his and Brittany's classmates, you immediately say you're in. You have it all planned out, you walk up next to Brittany and pry her away from Artie, he looks like he knows what you're up to.

As soon as you're in the crowded bar she asks you a question and that one word she adds hits you like a bomb.

"What do you wanna drink, babe?"

Babe? _Babe_?

Is that what you're doing? Do you want have her call you babe?

"San?"

You zoned out thinking about that one word. "I'd like a beer." No, no you need something stronger. "And a shot of sambuca please."

She gives you a funny look. "Going hard tonight, are we?" And turns to the waiting bartender.

You just shrugs as she does her Dutch gibberish and asks for two beers and two shots. When she turns back to you she grins, "I think I might join you."

All you do is give her a tightlipped smile. The bartender hands you your drinks, you toast to Amsterdam and throw your head back. The sweet, stinging taste brings an instant relief, her hand on your back doesn't. Your mocha eyes lock onto ocean blue and you want to talk to her, ask her questions. Does she feel this connection too? Does it scare her as much as it scares you? Does she feel the same need to push you away as you feel towards her? You can't even voice one of the question because her eyes snap up and she spots a slightly more intoxicated Mike, followed by some more people you assume are classmates because of how enthusiastic Brittany greets them. You immediately forget their names as soon as you've learned them. Your head is just filled with thoughts and feelings and fears that only alcohol can get rid of. So you order Brittany and yourself another shot and another beer, she chuckles but eyes you strangely when you hand her the shot. She keeps quiet though. You like that, she doesn't ask you why you feel the need to get trashed, she knows you'll tell her when you feel like it.

Right now, you don't.

You want drink your confusion about her into oblivion, you want to dance to the too loud techno, you want to go outside to get out of the mass of sweating bodies, you want to kiss her, you want to push her away, you want to roll Artie off a cliff and you want to say hi to that girl you know over there because at least that's a familiar face. Brittany and Mike are laughing with their dancer friends, Sam is shamelessly flirting with one of them and Sugar is sitting Artie's lap, talking to him. So when you see a girl you know from one of your classes you're grateful for the distraction.

"Hey, Elaine right?" She looks surprised you remembered her name.

"Right, yeah. You're Santana." You smile at her and nod. "I didn't think you'd know my name, you never really pay attention in class." You feign hurt, she's right though, you don't. It's the international law class and you mostly discuss American law, which you know everything about already. You came here to fucking learn European law, not more of the same.

"Yeah, it's kind of boring to study more American law, you know?" She looks at you and nods.

"So, how do you like the rest of Amsterdam so far?" That gets the conversation going and before you know it, she's buying you drinks and telling you about places you should see and clubs you should visit.

Apparently she's been best friends with one of Brittany's dancer friends since they were in high school. You can hardly hear her over the loud music, but you like the way she leans closer to you when you're about to say something and you enjoy the way she laughs at your jokes.

At one point you're at the bar, getting some more drinks when you notice Brittany sitting in Artie's lap with her arms around him laughing at something he said. You know Wheels has been watching the two of you like a hawk for the past few weeks, you're sure he's into her. You also know that when you're not around, they're spending a lot of time together. You heard Sam and Mike talk about it. You don't understand what an outgoing, lovable, gorgeous girl would do with a loser like him and you don't want to know what the two of them together over there means. You hate how vulnerable you feel right now. You spent years building walls around yourself, why would a girl with blue eyes and hair like sunshine break through them?

You're waiting for the bartender to hand you your drinks when Sam catches you staring at the duo.

"Dude, why don't you make a move? You're both into each other. I think she's only trying to make you jealous." You can't. You won't. You're only in Amsterdam for so long and then what? You refuse to be one of those people who opens up to someone only to end up heartbroken because you have to leave them again and you don't believe in long distance. Fuck knows how many hearts have been broken that way.

Sam keeps pushing though, "So you're saying you don't like her?" It's like she heard what Sam said, even though that's impossible, because you catches your eyes and gives you a small, hesitant smile before she's distracted by Artie and his stupid English accent again.

All you do is reply with a: "Fuck you, Sam." And walk back to Elaine after you've stolen one of the shots he ordered. You still hear Wheels flirt with her too loud and too slow. He's obviously drunk. Probably not as drunk as you though, you have a hard time standing straight.

The next time you're at the bar, Brittany herself walks up to you and tries to start a conversation. You're short, grumpy and make it clear that you don't feel like talking to her.

"Why are you laughing when you're with her but mean to me?" She says pointing at a wobbling Elaine who is talking to someone who looks an awful lot like Blaine's boyfriend and laughing too loud. "Did I do something wrong?" She sounds disappointing and _shit_, there's that goddamn pout again.

You sigh. "No B, you didn't do anything wrong." You try to sound like you did before, but you just sound exhausted and drunk. You feel exhausted and drunk so you try to focus on Brittany's eyes and say: "I think Artie's waiting though and so is Elaine."

"So let them wait." She tries.

You feel your resolve crumbling so you close your eyes. "That's rude, B."

Brittany looks a lot more sober than you feel and apparently she is, "You didn't bring any drinks though." She remarks as you walk away, you pretend like you didn't hear her and almost crash into the high table Elaine is leaning on.

"What do you say we get out of here?" It's too close and too loud, but she responds with a lazy "sure" anyway, in that funny Dutch accent of hers.

Before you walk out of the bar you catch Brittany's disappointed pout and teary blue pools and the image haunts you as you try to make your way through sweaty bodies as soon as possible with Elaine's moist hand in yours.

It haunts you all the way back on your bike.

It haunts you in front of your building.

It haunts you when you open your door.

It haunts you when your back hits the mattress and you pull Elaine down with you.


	8. Fuck Ups

You wake up feeling like shit. You try to roll over but you can't. There's a body there. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.

Elaine.

You vaguely remember Brittany's sad eyes when you let the bar and the way Elaine's lips didn't feel as soft as hers, the way she was too aggressive and her hair was too dark. You feel horrible. Not only because of the hangover but also because of those damn fucking eyes. What the fuck did you do? You got scared and jealous and you go off fucking some girl? You get up, throw on some shorts and a tank top, locate your phone and quickly walk out of your room.

It's nine in the morning which means that everyone is probably still asleep. Thank the lord you won't have any awkward run ins while you do the walk of shame out of your own room. You also know that Sam never locks his room. You consider the two of you close enough friends that you can do this, so you walk into his room and crawl into his bed.

"Wha-?" He sleepily mumbles. Sam tries to sit upright but fails, only looking ridiculously hungover with his bed hair and puffy eyes.

"That Elaine girl is still in my room, I need to hide here." He shrugs, falls back down and is instantly asleep.

The silence is fueling your thoughts. You fucked Brittany over. She reached out to you. You fucked Elaine over. You left her naked in your bed. You fucked yourself over. You fucked things up with the girl you like and with a potential new friend. Things might be a little awkward with Elaine, but you only see her in one of your classes. You and Brittany live two doors away, she's your best friend here. Hell, maybe your best friend in general. She just gets you and you fucked it up.

Another hour full of tossing and turning is all it takes for you to wake up Sam to help him prevent you from going mad.

"Sam? Are you awake?" You whisper.

"Hm?" The douche doesn't even open his eyes.

You're in a shitty mood so you decide to not waste anymore time trying to be nice, a punch will probably wake him up. Except you kind of forgot he's a workout junkie and his arms are made of fucking steel.

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT!" You yell. His eyes shoot open, he sees you sitting upright waving your hand around with tears in your eyes, still cursing and immediately understands what happens.

"Are you fucking Superman? You're the fucking man of steel." He bursts out laughing. It takes him a while to calm down again but as soon as he does he asks you what the fuck happened?

"I don't know. I saw her and Artie and I got jealous I guess so I took Elaine home, which was like the worst idea ever because I feel so shit about sleeping with her and that's never happened before." You've never ever regretted hooking up with a hot girl before. Maybe that one time you slept with Quinn's cousin, but only because Q caught you two in her bed.

He gives you a sad smile. "Dude, she was so sad after you left. She totally ignored everyone and got totally hammered. Her cousin took her home."

"So you mean she's not here right now?" He shakes his head.

"Nope. Her cousin showed up right after you left and she took Britt home, said she lived closer." He appears to have an internal dilemma but doesn't speak up.

"What is it? You're thinking about something." You narrow your eyes at him.

He makes a face. "I don't know if I should tell you." You roll your eyes at him.

"I pretty much fucked up last night, nothing can probably make me feel worse."

Wrong.

"She's moving out, Lopez. She's moving in with her cousin in a while."

Your jaw drops. "She's what? Really?"

Sam nods. "You better hurry the fuck up. She's not gonna wait forever."

His words make you groan. Fuck. If you don't make it up to her soon you might never see her again. If you're honest, you don't know if you'd be able to ever get over that. She's Brittany, _no_, she's _fucking_ Brittany. You've never met anyone who gets you by just looking at you, you've never met anyone who just _gets_ _you_ like she does.

Fuck.

Make a fucking move.

* * *

You spend your morning planning a way to show Brittany you care about her. The way to show her you maybe want to date her and I don't know, probably marry her, is a step further. Let's just start with the whole 'I like you-part' before you start thinking about rings and babies. _Wait_, how did you end up thinking about babies? You fucking hate kids. Goddammit, this girl is turning you into a sap.

_Right_. Back to the plan. Winning her over again. She looked hurt, it's up to you to make her un-hurt.

So while you're thinking about ways to make it up to her and show her you care, Sam watches the door until it's safe for you to go back into your room. That fucking Elaine chick sleeps like she's in a coma. It's at least a few hours later until Sam says: "Fuck! Finally. She's gone Lopez." He looks so relieved as he adds, "I can finally fucking go back to sleep."

You giggle while you get up to walk towards the door, "I doubt it, I hid my iPod and left it playing Don't Stop Believing out loud and on repeat somewhere." Sam looks like he doesn't believe you, you know he'll be in your room in a few hours, begging for you to take your iPod back. You run to the door, still giggling but when you open it and run through it something collides with your body causing you to fall to the floor.

"Ow." _Shit._ It's the blonde-haired beauty you've been thinking about all morning.

"Hey, you two okay?" Sam comes over to you.

"What is it with people and walking in on inappropriate moments." You grumble while rubbing your head, Brittany just mumbles a soft: "Yeah."

The sad look on her face gets you into action mode immediately.

"Shit, Britt, I'm so sorry. I should've been watching where I was going…" You start while she mumbles, "It's fine."

"...Instead of just rushing out." You try to help her up again but she swats your hand away saying, "It's fine."

"I didn't mean to hurt you. Are you-" "It's _fine_, Santana!" She states forcefully, effectively causing you to shut up.

Both you and Sam stare at her wide-eyed, you've never heard her raise her voice. To anyone. Brittany scrambles up and diverts her eyes, seemingly shook up from her outburst. "I just came to talk to Sam, but I'll come back later."

"No, no. Please stay, I was just leaving anyway." You plead, still rubbing your head.

She shakes her head sadly, "No, no it's okay. It's not that important." And with those words she walks out into the hall. You look at Sam, not knowing what to do. He raises his eyebrows, meaning you have to follow her. So you do.

"Britt, wait." You catch up with her when she's almost at her own door. She stops but doesn't turn around. "Britt, I'm sorry for last night, I didn't mean to hurt you."

She turns to you and sighs dejectedly, "It's fine Santana, it's not like you owe me anything."

"But I feel like I do." You plead. "I didn't mean for it to go the way it did."

Brittany's eyes lock onto yours and you immediately stop talking. "It did and there's nothing we can do about it now anymore. What happened, happened." Her blue eyes fill up with tears you can't stand to look at, you wish you could be brave and just come clean right there and then, but something stops you. So you look away and let what she says wash over you. "It's alright, really. I like you and I thought you liked me too but I guess I misinterpreted the signals and that's totally not your fault, it just kinda hurts."

You want to make it right, you want to tell her she _did_ interpret everything that happened between the two of you for the past weeks right, but you don't. You let her think what she says is the truth and you let her give you a sad, teary smile and walk into her room, locking herself in. You stay in your spot a few more minutes, just staring at the brightly colored 'Brittany' on her door.

Yep, you just fucked up even more.

Why the fuck didn't you open your goddamn mouth. Why the fuck are you so scared?

* * *

You spend most of your day locked in your room, spread out on your bed, listening to depressing music. Just beating yourself up and replaying the events of the past night and day in your head. Overthinking every word you both said. When Barcelona's Please Don't Go starts playing for the fifth time that day you realize you have to make a move. You get up and sprint to the door, eager to talk to Brittany and you know if you wait any longer your courage probably fades. You race to Sam's room, tearing his door open, yelling: "I'm gonna tell her Sam. I'm gonna win her over." Only to find out the room is empty.

Sugar walks out of her room to ask you who you're going to tell what, you just yell back: "No time." And race to Brittany's room, not caring that Sam isn't where you left him this morning.

When you get to Brittany's door, you hear voices coming from the inside. You are about to aggressively push her green door open, when you hear a familiar voice say something. You can't understand everything she says, but you're pretty sure you hear Brittany say something like: "… thought she liked me too…" and "…on a date…" followed by Mike loudly exclaiming "He asked you on a what? You said YES?" The silence that follows says it all and you find out where Sam is soon enough when his voice joins their conversation, "Santana is not gonna like this."

Brittany immediately responds with a bitter: "Santana doesn't have anything to do with Artie. And it's not like she'd mind after what she did last night." Fuck, fuck fuck. You're too late. Four-eyes made his move and she said yes.

"I just don't want you to go into something head first only because you're hurt right now." A dejected Sam says.

You realize too late that the conversation has gone silent and when Sam steps out of the room, he just looks at you with sad, pitiful eyes. Then he closes the door and just walks into his room without looking at you again.

Yeah.

You fucked up.

* * *

**A/N:** Sorry this took so long, summer got in the way.


	9. Make Ups

**A/N:** I'm sorry this took so long. I was traveling in the US and visiting some friends over there, when I got back I had to go to some festivals too so it was all busy and stuff. Listen to The Wheel by Laura Stevenson when you're at the last part. Enjoy.

* * *

It's been a over a week. One week since that night you fucked whatever was going on between Brittany and yourself up. You haven't really talked to her, just awkward hellos in the hallway. All you know is what Sam or Mike told you. Mostly Sam, you kind of feel like Mike is siding with Brittany, it would make sense in your book, they've known each other for ages. And how long have you known them? Two months, tops.

It only took you two months to ruin something so good. That must be a new record.

You have been horrible to be around, you notice it yourself, but you just can't help it. Being in the dorms gets you in an awful mood, so you spend as much time as you can in the library with Sam or out with people from your classes. You fully commit yourself to schoolwork, finishing all your assignment way before time and easily keeping up with your reading. Sam complains that you are boring, so you leave him in his room more often. You like biking to uni by yourself or getting a tram by yourself, even just walking around by yourself. It gives you time to think of ways to get Brittany to talk to you again and to think of ways to kill Robocop.

The time without Brittany has made you realize you're actually really lonely without her in this city that you really don't know yet. Maybe you would've if you had spent more time making friends at uni instead of focussing so much on Brittany, or let Brittany take you out more. You still feel like a newbie at this university, there's always people greeting each other like they've known each other since forever and you still only know a handful of people. It's not that you have to get used to living in a big city, hell, you're used to New York, which is way bigger than Amsterdam. It's just that the pace of living is different here, people aren't as mean as they are in New York, they're pretty chill but you never know if you can talk to them or not because most people just think you're a tourist instead of actually living in Amsterdam. There are some things in the city that still surprise you, while the Dutch don't even bat an eye. These thoughts have been keeping you busy ever since your fallout with Brittany.

You're thinking about it right now, locking your bike to the bridge.

You're thinking about it still, walking towards your uni building.

To get there you have to go through this tunnel where the same old men with cool beards are sitting, selling used books for a few euros and smoking cigars and pipes and hand rolled cigarettes while talking to each other with that weird Dutch accent and listen to classical music. All the students just walk past them like they see them everyday. They probably do. But for you this is still new. This is your life now and maybe, in a while, you'll be used to the old men selling books too. You're not sure, you can only hope. All you know is that it feels much more foreign now that you don't have Brittany to discuss it with and it feels much more lonely.

Of course you run into Elaine as soon as you step foot into the lecture hall.

You start off with an awkward apology about how you didn't call her but she won't have it. "It's okay, Santana. We had fun, you don't want anything more than this. I get it."

You give her a relieved look. "Are you sure?"

Elaine smiles at you and nods. "I doubt it'd work out between us. Although you could have just woken me up instead of sneaking out of your own room."

That makes you giggle, "yeah, I'm seriously sorry about that."

She shrugs and says that it's really okay and that you should hangout sometimes.

You smile again and say, "I'd like that."

When you make your way to an empty seat and Elaine sits next to you, you feel a little better than you've felt all week. At least you sorted stuff out with Elaine, that's one less person you hurt.

* * *

You bike home after spending another night at the university's library. It closes at twelve, you have another 20 minute bike ride, so by the time you get to your dorm it's almost 1:30 am. This is a routine you've been doing all week. Meeting up with classmates in the library and staying there for as long as possible, even if all the people you were with are long gone. On the way back today, you're in a slightly better mood because of your talk with Elaine. You hung out with her for a bit in the library, on your dinner break and after your library session you talked about the Brittany situation for a bit. You don't know if she's the kind of person you'd be best friends with, but it felt good to be able to talk about Brittany for a bit.

You're slightly drunk because of the beers you drank with Elaine. You're listening to your iPod, biking around a lit up Amsterdam. The nights are getting colder, it's nearing November and you wish you wore a warmer jacket. The temperature is still decent, the never-ending Dutch wind just makes it cold. Thank God, it's not raining tonight because there is no way your jacket would keep you dry. You slow down before the automatic doors of your building open, you manage to stay on your bike the whole time you push the button of the elevator, bike into the elevator and bike up to the bike rack on your floor. You are smiling to yourself because you were acting like a goof. As soon as you open the door to your hallway your smile disappears.

In front of a green door is Brittany sitting in Artie's lap.

Fuck.

You forgot tonight was their date night. And judging by the cuddling, the hushed voices and the giggling it was a success.

They haven't heard you yet and you don't know what you should do. Your only options are either turning around and walking away before they notice you or awkwardly trying to pass them while getting as little attention as possible. This is the most fucked up situation ever for the three of you and since you have nowhere else to go at this time of night you let out a soft curse in Spanish, take a deep breath and choose option two. They're still in their own world so they don't know you sneaking up on them.

That is, until the door falls closed.

Both of them turn their heads and see you awkwardly standing a few feet away from them. No one says anything.

All you can think of is how fitting it would be if Sam chose this moment to open his door. He seems to have a sixth sense, the one that makes him walk in on awkward moments.

Fuck this. Talking now, after a minute of silence would only make things worse so you just divert your eyes and continue the walk to your door.

Behind you Brittany and Artie stay silent.

* * *

As soon as the door closes behind you, you let yourself fall against it.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

You did not want to see that.

You knew it was going to happen sooner or later, but seeing them together still stings a whole lot more than you thought it would.

You feel the tears welling up.

Deep breaths, don't cry.

It takes a few minutes but you manage to calm yourself down enough to get up, get some water and set yourself down on your bed.

Thank fuck it's Friday because there's no way you'll be able to sleep anytime soon.

After half an hour of staring at the ceiling and replaying the image of Brittany and Wheels together over and over again, you get up to smoke a cigarette.

Three cigarettes later you still feel like shit and you still don't know what to do.

Two knocks on the door give you something to do.

You slowly walk over to the door, pull the handle down and open it.

Of course it's the blonde dancer. She looks as shook up as you feel.

"Hey, can I come in?"

You don't answer her, just leave the door open and you take your position next to the window again. Brittany silently watches you as you light another cigarette.

"You shouldn't smoke this much."

That makes you scoff, one of our first conversations was when you gave me your lighter.

"I only smoke when I'm drunk, that's different." She retorts.

You scoff again, "How, Britt? I fail to see the difference."

She gives you a stern look. "You smoke when you're stressed, you try to make everything go away by drinking and smoking."

The intense look is making you uncomfortable so you focus on your cigarette, trying to deny the truth in her words. "So? What is it to you?"

"I care about you San, that's it to me." You don't react and you hear her annoyed sigh. "Fuck this Santana. I came over to you to make this awkwardness go away but all you do is pretend I'm not here and I don't even know why you're so upset with me. I'm dating Artie now, nothing's gonna happen. Don't worry about it."

"That is the problem." You mumble. She totally misunderstood your silence from the other night.

"What's that?" She asks, visibly upset.

"Nothing." Is your response. She's with Artie, she said it. You don't know what to say to her.

"You know what, Santana? Fuck you. I'm not gonna deny this week was awkward, because it was. I miss you and I want to be able to be normal around you again but if you don't want to do it, then fuck you. If you're ready to talk, we'll talk tomorrow. I'm not gonna let you ruin my night." She turns around and when she's about to open the door you tell her to wait.

She does.

You walk over to her with your burning cigarette still in your hand.

You reach her.

Your hands cup her face.

You lean in.

Her eyes close.

Your eyes close.

You lean in.

You feel her breath on your lips.

She gasps.

You lean in some more.

She holds her breath.

You almost kiss her.

She doesn't move.

Your lips find her cheek.

She sighs.

You whisper "sorry".

Her eyes are still closed.

You walk back to the window.

Your back faces her and you hear the door close after a few moments of silence.

"Fuck."

You don't know what exactly you apologized for. The way you've been acting or not kissing her?

You inhale more smoke, throw your butt out the window and plop down on your bed to stare at the ceiling and think of her face in your hands.

Her blue eyes searching for something in your face. You don't know what she was searching for, you don't know if she found it. Maybe she did. Maybe she's in her room laying on her bed just like you are right now. Thinking and thinking and thinking.


	10. Tied Up

You wake up on top of the covers with all your clothes still on. Your room smells like cigarettes and it's freezing cold because you left the window open the night before. The almost kiss you and Brittany almost had totally messed you up and somewhere between thinking of your lips on her cheek and her lips on Artie's cheek you must have fallen asleep.

Last night didn't change anything and everything at the same time.

You want her.

You want to push her away.

You don't do emotions, yet you feel for her. You don't want to think about what it means.

You check the time as soon as you open your laptop. It's still early, 8:30. This means that it's around 2:30 on Friday night in New York. Quinn should be back from her job at the bar just about now. Opening up Skype, you decide to try your luck. If you don't get this out of your system now you might do something stupid, like last night, almost kissing her. Quinn picks up after three rings.

"Hey, S. How are you?" Her bright smile greets you. She moves out of the way to reveal Puck sitting next to her on the couch. You wave at them and start talking about everything that happened between you and Brittany since the last time you spoke to her. Both her and Puck patiently listen to you and give advice whenever needed.

Quinn changed a lot since that time she went crazy in your senior year and dyed her hair pink. She went to Yale for a year, decided it was not for her and followed you and Tina to the big city. Beth is still a sensitive spot for the two of them, but they manage. Puck was still going after girls like crazy for a bit but he toned it down a lot, he's not so much of a douche anymore and stopped using the horrible nicknames like Puckasaurus. You think he's still hung up on Quinn and things seemed to be finally moving forward just before you left. When Puck is in the bathroom you ask Quinn about it. She answers with a bashful smile, "He walked me home from work and I invited him up for a drink. Nothing more, nothing less." But the way her cheeks turn pink betrays her.

You're happy for them. Quinn never seemed to give Puck any attention, it didn't matter how hard he tried. You have no idea why she changed her mind, but she did.

Hopefully a certain blonde dancer will change her mind too.

She said she'd talk to you tomorrow, that's today.

Your entire morning shower is spent debating whether you should go talk to her or not. By the time you step out of your minuscule shower smelling with your hair smelling like strawberries it's eleven and you decide to go talk to Brittany after you get dressed. The nerves start. It doesn't help that she doesn't open her door after you've knocked a few times. Mike comes out of his room next to Brittany's without a shirt on and sighs when he sees you.

"I figured that'd be you." He starts.

"Do you know where she is?" You ignore the knowing tone in his voice.

He nods but stays quiet. You roll your eyes at him and say, "So? Are you gonna tell me where she is?"

Mike seems to contemplate your question before answering. "She told me that Artie's taking her out for lunch and that she's staying with her cousin for a few days to escape the drama. She also told me not to tell you this." The look he sends you makes you giggle. He seems to try and intimidate you but he is as intimidating as a toddler. "Thanks Mike. Do you know when she'll be back?"

He doesn't. Before he goes back into his room, he leaves you with a little piece of advice though. "Apologize to her. You can still win her over, you know?" And with those words he gives you the first sincere smile of the day.

When you get back to your room you decide to call her sometimes and if she doesn't pick up, you'll give her her space. Ten minutes and three calls later you decide it's obvious she doesn't want to talk to you.

Later that day Sam tells you that Brittany'll probably be back in the dorms by Tuesday.

You have three days to come up with whatever you want to tell her.

* * *

Come Tuesday you are a nervous wreck. You have no idea what the two classes you went to were about, all you did was stare at the clock. Sam told you he'd let you know as soon as Brittany got in. It's three in the afternoon and he still hasn't texted you. You have no idea if he forgot or if Brittany decided to stay away for a little longer. As soon as the teacher tells you class is over you sprint out the door and race your bike back to the dorms. You look up to see if there's movement in Sam's room but you don't see any. That douche must've forgotten. In the elevator you decide to go to your room first and when Sam gets back from whatever he's doing you'll give him a lot of crap about forgetting to text you.

You stand in front of your door, unlocking it when you hear a muffled sound coming out of Sam's room that sounds a lot like a moan. Did he seriously forget to text you because he is fucking some girl? If that's the case, you're gonna have to kick his ass even more than you were planning on doing. As you are closing the door behind you, you hear Sam's voice calling you. "Santana, Santana! Don't close the door." He comes running into your room, almost running into you, with a desperate look on his face.

"What the fuck are you doing Sam?" What in earth is going on beneath that shaggy blonde hair of his.

"She… has… my…. phone." He pants. You have no idea what he's talking about.

"Who does?" The answer presents itself, or rather _herself_, when Brittany comes running into your room waving Sam's phone above her head, yelling: "I told you to stay in Sam, I told you!"

You look between Sam who's hunched over panting still and Brittany who's manically waving the phone around while she keeps saying "I told you." You have no clue as to what is going on in your room right now.

"Oh-kay…" You start. "How about you explain what the fuck is going on."

"She tied me up so I couldn't let you know she got back." Sam gives Brittany a frightened look.

"So? I told you not to text her and you tried to anyway. I warned you." Brittany says without a trace of remorse. The absurdity of the whole situation just makes you burst out laughing. It seems to shake Brittany out of her slightly scary daze. She looks at you with a furrowed brow and walks out of your room. Sam gives you a pitiful look before opening your fridge and grabbing a can of coke.

"So, wanna talk about it?"

* * *

You and Sam had dinner, played some video games in his room and now you're back in your room trying to convince him why New York is better than LA. You're just insulting his bleached hair when the door flies open and shows a crazy looking Brittany standing on your doorstep.

"Out. Now." She says to Sam. He looks at you, you shake your head trying to keep him hear but you see the fear in his eyes to get tied up again. He gets up and runs out without even saying anything.

You mumble a "fuck", as she locks your door and moves over to you.

"You wanted to talk? Then talk. And you're gonna fucking talk because we're doing it your way." She places a bottle of scotch and a pack of cigarettes on the table. She looks very sure of herself, but she also has some sort of desperation over her. You feel like this is your last chance, so you take it. You sit down, open the pack of cigarettes and light one.

"Shot glasses are over there and there's coke in the fridge." She nods and grabs the shot glasses and some chasers. You don't even like coke that much, unless it's mixed with whiskey, you only keep it there because you know Brittany and Sam like it.

"So. Let's do this. I want total honesty and no hiding like you always do." You nod. She fills up both the shot glasses and lifts hers up. "Bottoms up." As soon as the liquid goes down your throat you feel your face contort. You love whiskey but you always forget how much that first shot burns. Brittany seems to hate it, she makes a face of absolute disgust and chugs down some soda like she hasn't had something to drink in days.

One shot down.

"Did you miss me?" She asks. You nod. She fills up the glasses again.

Two shots down.

"Have you spoken to Elaine since, you know, that night?" You nod. She looks hurt. She fills up the glasses again.

Three shots down. You finish your cigarette.

"Are you still moving out?" You ask her. She looks up surprised but doesn't ask you how you know about that. She nods. You fill up the glasses.

Four shots down. You light up two cigarettes and give her one.

The booze is starting to get to your head now.

"I'm sorry I hurt you Britt"

You sip on some coke. She fills up the glasses again.

Five shots down.

"That night in the bar, did I scare you when I called you babe?" You slowly nod.

"Why?" She's determined to get it out of you.

"Because you scare me. I don't do feelings and relationships and you're too important to lose."

Before she can ask anymore questions you fill up the glasses again.

Six shots down.

You take a break, your throat is getting soar, the long stretches of silence are making you anxious, you have to pee and you're getting drunk. Out of nowhere Brittany starts talking about a girl in one of her classes that is such a good dancer and how you met her that time you, Artie and Sam went out to dinner with Britt and some of her dancer friends. She grabs a beer out of your fridge and offers you one. You take it, why not? You're already on your way to oblivion and you know you won't make it to you 11am lecture tomorrow. Brittany looks so at ease in your room, just like she was before things got awkward. She walks over to your laptop and puts some music on. She sits back down and the whole mood has changed. You think that maybe by admitting Brittany scares you, she kind of heard what she wanted to hear. It actually feels normal again. More normal than it has been between the two of you in weeks. You're happy about it because her birthday is in a little while and you wouldn't want to miss it for the world. You're talking, drinking beer and doing some more shots. Your thoughts get more and more fuzzy and you kind of have a hard time focussing on Brittany's face or following the conversation. Standing up is out of the question.

As Brittany is happily chatting away, a realization dawns on you.

"Did you go on that date with Artie just to make me jealous?" She stops mid-sentence and slowly nods. Her movements are uncoordinated in comparison to her normal grace and her sloppy grin slowly fades away. She can feel the mood change back to tense. She quickly gets back into her interrogation mode.

"Did it make you jealous?" You squint and nod. Her sloppy smile shows again.

"Do you like Artie for real?" You hold your breath and to your disappointment she nods.

"Does that make you jealous?" No words leave your lips, you just take a gulp of your beer instead and down another shot straight away. Her hooded eyes stay trained on you. The alcohol makes you want to confess it all, you know you'll hardly remember anything the day after. The jealousy makes you want to kick her out. The slow music that's playing makes you want to hold her and forget about the rest of the world.

"S. Do you like me?"

You don't know what to say to that so you do the only thing you can think of: you lean over the table and claim her lips.

She doesn't even seem surprised.

Her lips are softer than you remembered. Her tongue is like velvet and her hair is like sunshine in your hands.

You don't know how long you're kissing her, you don't know how you ended up on her lap, you don't know what time it is, you don't know anything. You try to remember why this is a bad idea, but then she bites your lip again and her hands touch the bare skin of your back and your mind comes up blank. It feels so good, it can't be a bad idea. Brittany pulls your shirt over your head and this idea is only getting better, especially when she places butterfly kisses all over your collarbone and then makes her way to your breasts, stopping just above your bra.

You never knew how strong she was until now, when she lifts you up and suddenly you're straddling her on your bed, while she's taking her own shirt off and you make quick work of her bra. Out of nowhere you're down to your underwear and she's panting underneath you in all her naked glory, looking up with hungry eyes. Before you can even think about anything some more you're naked and you feel two fingers pumping into you.

All you remember after that moment is ecstasy, sweat, naked skin, muffled moans, her smile, her piercing eyes and how her gaze got so intense, you had to close yours.

You're fucked.

* * *

**A/N:** So it took forever as always. I apologize for any mistakes, I usually write this all in one go. Also, listen to Hold On, We're Going Home by Drake.


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